


destiel song oneshots.

by toomanytuesdays



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:15:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanytuesdays/pseuds/toomanytuesdays
Summary: Oneshots I've written based on songs.There will be a link to the songs if you wanna have a lil' listen and yeah, hope you enjoy!If you do have a request for me to write a oneshot based on a song you want, lemme know, I can't guarantee that I'll do it, but ya never know, I might get inspired ¯\_(ツ)_/¯Also please don't judge my music taste from this! Although it is exactly how it looks, I do listen to other cool stuff... just, I listen to this more... don't judge and just appreciate where my mind wanders to when I hear these songs instead.... please.... thanks.... enjoy!P.S. Here’s a link to the Spotify playlist of all the songs: https://open.spotify.com/user/perrieific/playlist/25QUKdVspmEkGys9evTASr?si=-2eCO7w2Rlmo8tipBUqiqQ
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Another World.

[ _ 1\. Another World - The Vamps _ ](https://youtu.be/E1Ig9wCKEBU)

Picture this. It's June, 1940. War has been raging in Europe for two years now, but so far the United States has not been required to assist the allies in fighting. France had just fallen into the hands of the Nazis, and the hopes that Great Britain could beat the Germans on their own were diminishing. The general public of America knew that their men going off to fight was inevitable.

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak were a homosexual couple in their early twenties living in Lawrence, Kansas. However, no one knew about their relationship. With homosexuality a legal crime in the United States, they were forced to keep their relationship hidden not only from the public eye, but from their own friends and families as well. To their relatives and peers, they were just two best friends who have known each other since middle school. They would tell themselves that that was the reason why Dean and Cas were so close. It was the only possible reason. Right?

This one particular Sunday afternoon was especially memorable for Dean and Castiel. It was a bright, sunny day; birds were a-chirping, insects buzzing, and a pleasant, light breeze blew through the trees.

Dean was on his way to take Castiel on a date. He had the whole thing planned; the picnic basket in the trunk of his black 1936 Chevrolet Master Deluxe was evidence of this.

As he rumbled down the street in the direction of Castiel's house, he waved at the passing pedestrians and other drivers. His mood was ecstatically cheerful, and nothing could break it. Nothing in the whole world.

He arrived at Castiel's within the next few minutes, parking alongside the curb in front of the small, suburban home. The white paint was flaking from years of weather erosion, but the newly painted red door stood proud and inviting. The vibrant, neatly manicured green grass lay either side of the concrete pathway that lead to the front door. Dean proudly admired the freshly mown lawn as he strolled up the path, knowing full and well that Castiel had done a good job at cutting it.

He smoothed down his neatly ironed beige pants as he neared the door, ensuring they weren't crumpled from the ride over. While he was dressed nicely in his pale blue, collared button-down shirt tucked into the high-waisted pants with the cuffs turned up, revealing his pristine white socks and dark brown penny loafers, it was still considered casual in the eyes of Castiel's parents. To them, the boys were off to the local diner with a group of friends to socialise and goof off, as teenage boys do.

Dean rapped his knuckles on the red door three times, before taking a step back, lacing his hands behind his back in a respectable manner to wait for the door to open. It was only several seconds before the door swung open, revealing a grinning Castiel, dressed similarly to Dean, except he had a sweater vest slung over his arm. He didn't leave a second to dawdle, instantly stepping out of the house to join Dean on the doorstep.

"Dean's here. I'm leaving!" he yelled back into the house, shutting the door on the reply from one of his family members, Dean didn't hear who. Once the door was closed, Dean smiled warmly down at Castiel, the smile showing all the way up to his eyes.

"Hello you," he said, his body posture falling casual now that he knew Castiel's parents weren't watching.

Cas smiled back shyly, rocking back and forth on his feet, eager to leave his poised life behind for his love-filled one with Dean. "Hi, can we go?"

Dean nodded once, and turned on his heel, striding up the pathway towards his car, Cas on his heels. He didn't want to waste another second not being able to touch his love. It had been a few days since he'd seen Cas, and Dean had been craving his touch ever since the second the two departed on Friday.

The two reached the car, clambering in. Dean started her up and pulled away from the curb. Once he was in the traffic, his hand slipped off the wheel and across the seat to slide into Castiel's, which was resting upon his knee. Once their fingers were intertwined, Dean's eyes flicked from the road to glance at Cas, a small grin playing on his lips. Cas met his eyes, his own smile mirroring Dean's. They were reunited at last, the familiar, warm rush from holding each others hands returning.

"So, where are you taking me?" Cas broke the comfortable silence, his eyes returning to the road.

"Out of town. I thought we could go as far as we can, find a nice field with a nice tree, and eat this delicious picnic that I packed, 'specially for us," Dean answered, his grin growing wider, if that was possible.

Castiel smiled in response, squeezing Dean's hand in excitement. "It's perfect." A comfortable silence fell over the pair as they enjoyed each other's company during the ride.

It wasn't long before Dean found what he was looking for. He had driven out the back roads of Lawrence, where no one they knew lived or hung out, and into the countryside. Down an old dusty road, Dean parked up the car and got out, strolling around to the trunk and collecting the picnic basket. By the time he closed and locked the trunk, Cas had got out of the car too, joining him. Dean reached out his hand for Castiel to take.

"How about that tree up there?" he asked, gesturing with their interlaced hands to a tree atop a hill about a mile ahead of them. Castiel simply set off, letting his action be his answer as he pulled Dean along towards the fence surrounding the field the hill was in. The pair clambered ungracefully over the fence, Cas doubled over laughing when Dean's pants somehow got caught on the wooden plank and he couldn't move. After his laughter subsided and he regained some strength in his arms and legs, he kissed Dean's pouting lips and helped him off the fence.

The pair continued up in the direction of the tree, Castiel pulling a still pouting Dean behind him. By the time they reached the top of the small hill, both boys were panting slightly, however, Dean was over-exaggerating, taking deep gasping breaths and doubling over. Cas rolled his eyes at his over-dramatic boyfriend and pulled the picnic basket from his hands. Up this close, Cas could see that the tree was an old, healthy oak, with bright, full leaves in the height of this summer. The oak was wide enough for them to sit on the opposite side from the car and not be seen from the road in case someone came along. Cas set the picnic basket down, reaching in and pulling out a classic red and white checkered picnic blanket. He laid it down in the shelter of the tree, resting the picnic basket on the corner so it didn't blow away. Before he could lay down himself, two tanned arms wrapped around his waist, a familiar body pressing up against his back. Lips pressed to his neck, kissing up from the base to underneath his ear lobe, then around along his jawline. Dean spun him around in his arms and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I missed you," he murmured against Cas' lips, eyes still closed from the kiss. He was taking in the moment, hoping to remember every little thing about it. The taste of Cas' lips. The smell of the summer grass mixed with both his and Cas' deodorants, hair products and soap. The sound of Cas' heartbeat with the buzzing bees, chirping birds and the breeze through the trees. The feel of Cas' strong, sturdy hips in between his hands, the breeze blowing around them, Cas' lips on his. Opening his eyes, he drank in every feature of Cas' face: his sparkling blue eyes that matched the summer sky looking up at him like he was absolutely everything in his entire world, his lips pulled into a smile, his slicked-back hair, the sunlight shining in the absolute perfect places, making him glow.

Castiel's smile faltered when he saw Dean's expression soften to a slight sadness. "Dean," he said, worried, "what is it?"

Dean's eyes broke their gaze on his face, looking down at their bodies pressed together, a wistful smile on his face. "Oh, it's nothing. I was just trying to remember as much of you as I can. You like this, happy and beautiful," he said, dragging his eyes back up to lock on to Cas'.

Castiel's hand came up to cup his cheek, Dean leaning into his touch. "I'm not going anywhere, Dean," he said, determination in his voice.

"We're both going, Cas. Eventually. And we both know it. This war keeps getting worse every day; you and I can't be together forever . . ." he trailed off, looking away again.

Cas' gaze dropped as well, but his hand stayed firmly planted against Dean's cheek. The pair got lost in thought before Cas lifted his head suddenly.

"I'm not spending our only day together being sad. So, suck it up, Buttercup, and join me, here, on this picnic blanket, under this beautiful oak tree, with this amazing picnic you made us. And we will be happy," Cas declared, gesturing to the tree, blanket and basket set out around them.

Dean chuckled, the love back in his shining green eyes. "I would love to, my elegant rose."

Castiel scrunched his nose up at the odd nickname, stepping out of Dean's grasp. "My elegant rose?" he questioned.

"You called me 'Buttercup'! I was sticking with the flower theme," Dean protested.

Cas' eyes flicked up to the left, as if in thought. A sly smirk crossed his face as he looked back at his partner. "Try better next time, my Cherry Blossom."

Dean threw up his hands in defeat. "Alright, Sunflower, let's get a-eating. I'm starving." Cas laughed and moved to sit down on the blanket. Dean followed suit, sitting next to the picnic basket to be the one to serve his baby; ever the gentleman. He tucked in right away, opening the basket and pulling out pairs of plates, cups, knives and forks. Cas was curious as to what Dean packed him, but he sat back and let himself be waited on. Seeing Dean like this warmed Cas' heart; a thought struck him that he wanted Dean to take care of him every day forever. The thought didn't waver him, he knew he wanted to be with Dean for the rest of their lives.

As Dean was pulling out various sandwiches, slices of cold chicken, hard boiled eggs, crackers and cheese, fruits and slices of cake, as well as a bottle of what looked like home-made lemonade, Cas felt content. Peaceful even. Like nothing in the world, no damned war, no damned law, could get them here. They were safe, they had each other, and that's all they wanted, all they needed to be happy.

~

On the 16th of September, 1940, the United States issued the Selective Training and Service Act of 1940, which required all men between the ages 21 to 45 to register for the draft to war. Dean Winchester signed his name at exactly 5:37pm that same day. By 6:05pm, he was outside Castiel's red door, knocking rapidly.

It was Castiel's extremely irritated father who answered, the scowl on his face evident to that.

"What do you want, Winchester?" he snarled. "We are in the middle of dinner."

Dean scuffed his foot sheepishly on the doorstep. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Novak, sir, but I must speak to Castiel urgently."

"Castiel is eating his dinner right now. You may speak to him on the phone afterwards." Mr. Novak's tone was unwavering, firm with what he was saying.

"But Mr. Novak, sir, I-"

"That's enough, Mr. Winchester. You must be leaving now."

Dean didn't have a chance to plead his case before the door was closed in his face. He backed down the pathway, his heart racing still from the adrenaline of enlisting.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the curtains of the living room window to his left shift slightly. His gaze snapped to them as he saw the big blue eyes of his lover staring out at him, sadness and sorrow filling them. Dean shot him a reassuring smile, and held out his thumb and pinky finger, making a telephone with his hand. He brought it up to his ear, mouthing ' _I'll call you later_ '. Castiel smiled sadly and nodded, before Dean heard, "Castiel, get your ass back to the table now!" from the depths of his house. Cas glanced over his shoulder worriedly, but not before turning back to give Dean a small finger wave goodbye. Then he was gone, the lace curtain swinging closed behind him.

~

It was 8pm by the time Dean got around to calling Castiel. He decided to wait until he, too, had finished dinner to ensure that Cas definitely wouldn't get in trouble again. He also knew that Cas' curfew was 9pm, and he wasn't allowed to take any phone calls after then.

The phone rang twice before the other line was picked up; Dean assumed Castiel was waiting by the phone for his call.

"Novak household. Dean?" came the reply.

"Hey Cas, yeah it's me," Dean replied, speaking in hushed tones not to draw attention to the call from his father and brother. Both boys knew that they couldn't speak like they usually would to each other while they were on the phone, in fear of being overheard.

"My father said you had something to tell me urgently," Cas asked, the question coming out more as a statement.

"Yes, I enlisted for the draft."

The line was silent for several moments, not even the background sounds on Castiel's end could be heard.

Finally, there came a voice. A soft, broken, hopeless voice.

"You what?"

Dean cleared his throat, speaking clearly. "I enlisted for the draft, Cas. I'm going to war."

"What would you do that for?" Castiel's voice was incredulous, as if Dean just told him he had grown another head in the mere two hours since he saw him.

Dean lowered his voice, glancing over his shoulder so to check no one was listening in. "Cas, you know it was inevitable," he whispered softly.

"But, Dean, we were going to talk about this. Talk before you enlisted," Cas argued, his voice not as lowered as Dean's.

"I knew what you would say, so I did it so you couldn't argue," Dean said.

"But Dean-"

"No. It's done, okay? It can't be changed."

The line was silent again. However, this time it was Dean who broke it. "You have to enlist too, Cas."

"No." Cas' voice was determined. "No, I don't want to go to war."

"You have to. All men aged 21 to 45 must enlist. It's the law," Dean stated.

Now Castiel lowered his voice. "I can't lose you, Dean." His voice broke at the end.

Dean softened at that. Glancing over his shoulder again, confirming that his father was still in the other room with the radio on, Dean said, gently, "you won't lose me. Not if you join me."

"Then we'll both die."

"It's only one year."

"We can still die in that year."

"Cas. Baby. Listen to me. What I did can't be changed. And I'm sorry that I did it behind your back. But there is only one solution to this. _Come with me_. We'll be together, and babe, as long as we're together over there, nothing can happen to us. I promise." Dean's voice was full of love and honesty, and he knew that Cas was crumpling with every word.

"You can't promise the Germans won't shoot us in the head," Castiel argued, purposely trying to be difficult.

"You're right. I can't. But I can promise that I will love you with every fibre of my being until the day I die," Dean said, truthfully, laying his hand on his heart. All he wanted to do was wrap Cas up in his arms and cuddle and kiss him until the day they have to leave.

He could almost hear the pout on Castiel's face as he said, "fine."

Dean let out a small ' _whoop_ ' of celebration. "Think of it as a holiday. Just you and me on holiday in Europe," he said.

"With every single other man from the United States, and the whole of Germany shooting bullets at us with the intention to kill us dead?" Cas asked, his voice light and joking now.

Dean chuckled. "Exactly right."

A comfortable silence fell over the pair before Cas spoke up, his voice back to the soft, scared tone. "Dean? Will you take me to enlist tomorrow?"

Dean couldn't help the smile from spreading on his face. "Of course, baby. It's you and me, remember?"

"You and me," Castiel repeated.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Bright and early, and ready to sign up to go to war," Dean said as a goodbye.

"Don't rub it in, Dean. See you tomorrow." And with that, the pair hung up the phone, each of them with soft smiles that they had to wipe off before interacting with their respective family members.

~

Training for the two boys began a few weeks later. They were shipped off to Fort Leavenworth, an army training camp just over an hours journey from Lawrence. Here they were pushed to their breaking points in basic training, known as 'boot camp' to the soldiers. Every man that went through boot camp was pushed to his limits, beginning the transformation from civilian to soldier. They were forced to learn to work together as a team, to trust their lives in the hands of men they had never seen before to come together as one United States army to defeat the Germans and win the war.

As soon as Dean and Castiel, and the other men from Lawrence arrived at the camp, they handed in their civilian clothes and belongings, and were, in return, handed a United States army uniform, consisting of olive green dress pants, shirts, a garrison cap, and equipment, including a rifle and a small hand gun. They were told to take good care of these, as they were the only ones they were gonna get for the entire war. Lose it, and you die, basically. _A bit extreme_ , Dean thought to himself when the officer said that to him.

Their heads were shaved and they were assigned serial numbers. They were no longer people. They were a number in the army. A cog in the unit. A part of the team.

Much to Dean and Cas' relief, they were both assigned to the same company, Charlie company, of the 35th Battalion. However, they were placed in different platoons.

"Hey, at least we're still close to each other," Dean reassured Castiel on the first evening as they received their first meals in the mess hall as members of the army. "I can still keep an eye on you."

Before Cas could reply, they were shouted at to keep moving to their respective platoon tables. He shot Dean a weak smile before moving off in the direction of the third-platoon's table. Dean watched after him, waiting until he sat down, before he himself made his way to first-platoon.

Although they hardly saw much of each other, they made new friends of the men in their platoons. After all, they did do everything together, including sleeping, eating, and of course, learning drills and physical training. They learned to rely on the men of their platoons, learning their position and role in the platoon, and how important each and every member is in the smooth runnings of the unit.

For hours and hours on end, the men stood in front of their platoon leaders and commanding officers and practised the same basic skills over and over - marching as a team, loading and unloading their weapons, cleaning their equipment and weapons. It was tough work, with the drill instructors using violent, forceful methods to train the men to become the best soldiers they could be. There was no room for any mistakes, and even the smallest one, like a button being undone on their uniform, could result in punishment, commonly for the whole platoon.

In the evenings, after dinner in the mess hall, they were allowed half an hour of free time, while the officers ate their own meals. This mere half an hour was Dean and Castiel's most favourite time of the day, and they often found that it was the only thing that could get them through a particularly difficult day of training. And that was because it was the only half an hour they could spend time with each other. Although they weren't allowed to touch each other, kiss, nor even hug or hold hands, they learned to make the best of this time together, by talking, hanging out with their new friends, playing a social game of basketball, or watching a film in the makeshift cinema that they set up every Thursday night.

After free time, the men were put through their paces again with endless drills, callisthenics, and other physical activities to keep them fit and healthy. It was 2100 hours when they were finally let off to shower and clean their equipment, before lights out at 2200 hours, one hundred percent ready to begin the day again at 0400 the next morning.

It was a gruelling few weeks, and it was not only Dean and Castiel who were completely exhausted by the end of the day. And they hadn't even learned how to go into battle yet.

~

_April, 1941._

After six months of training, from basic skills to weapon handling, to map reading and basic first aid, news broke out throughout the companies that they were being shipped out to England, to continue more training closer to the battle in case they were needed urgently.

When Dean heard the news just as he was leaving the mess hall with his friends, Privates Benny Lafitte and Kevin Tran, he took off running, leaving the other two men yelling after him and exchanging confused glances.

But Dean had other intentions. All their hard work was paying off! They were finally heading off to Europe! His and Castiel's holiday was finally starting.

He found third-platoon's cabin, bursting in without knocking. Luckily, all were presentable, as there were only two men in the cabin: Castiel and his newly found friend, Gabriel Shurley. The pair were sitting on what Dean assumed was Cas' bunk, a set of cards laid out between them.

At the sudden interruption, both men looked up startled, and reached for their rifles, a habit they'd already picked up from training. Castiel visibly relaxed when he saw it was Dean, releasing his rifle, but Gabriel still had his clutched in his hands.

"Relax, Gabe," Cas said, turning back to the game, "it's just my idiotic boy- I mean, best friend." He quickly covered, eyes flicking to Gabriel to see if he noticed. Luckily, he was too busy eyeing Dean to notice Cas' little slip up.

"Hey, Cas, did you hear the news?" Dean said, excitedly, moving further into the room.

Cas looked up at Dean, who was now standing right next to him. "What news?"

"The England news?" Gabriel asked Dean for confirmation.

Dean's eyes flicked to Gabriel, as if only noticing he was there now, before turning back to Cas. "Yeah, we're heading out to England! Isn't that exciting?"

Castiel didn't know how to react. Dean was so excited, he could see that, and he so badly wanted to be excited with him, but he couldn't shake the twist of panic and dread began to churn his gut. So this was it. They were going to war. They were going to England, and they would go into battle, and there would be real bullets flying from real guns from the hands of real Germans shooting at them. Shooting them dead. Some small, well large, part of him was counting on the war being over before they'd left American soil, so he and Dean never had to go and they could live happily ever after. Alive together, healthy, with no severe war wounds. _Alive_.

Dean knew Castiel more than anyone else, so he noticed his depletion in mood, but he knew that there was something more. "Cas?" he questioned, dropping down to crouch at eye level with his boyfriend.

"And I'm gonna take that as my cue to leave," Gabriel muttered, setting his cards down and grabbing his rifle. He left the room quietly, closing the door behind him.

After he was gone, a silence filled the room that was deafening. Cas didn't know how to begin to tell Dean how scared he was, and Dean didn't know what to say to make Cas talk to him.

"Cas . . ." He rested his right hand on Cas' knee, inconspicuous to anyone who could walk in at any given moment.

"I'm scared," Cas whispered, his voice inaudible to anyone but Dean. His voice was small, and it reminded Dean of a child's, not the 22 year-old adult Cas was. With those two words, Dean's world crumpled. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around his lover and hold him, protect him, make him feel safe, love him.

But he couldn't.

There was nothing that Dean could do to show Castiel how much he loved him, to show him that he cared for him, that he'll be there for him the whole time. Words could only do so much.

Dean opened his mouth to begin to comfort his boyfriend, when the door slammed open, a few other members of third-platoon filing in, their laughter booming in the silent room.

Dean's had shot away from Castiel's leg, as if it were on fire, and he abruptly stood up, as if they were just having a civil conversation. Cas remained still, his eyes trained on the cards in his hands, his finger flicking the bent corner of the King of Diamonds in a nervous habit.

Dean didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave Cas like this, there was still 15 minutes of free time left, and he wouldn't know what to do with himself if he knew Cas was sitting here, scared shitless like he was.

"Hey, Cas, you wanna come for a walk with me?" he asked in a normal tone. A normal question in a normal tone. The other men wouldn't suspect a thing.

Castiel simply nodded, dropping the cards onto the bed and grabbing his rifle. Dean had to move out of the way to let him stand up, otherwise they'd be pressed up against each other, and Dean didn't know if he could restrain himself in front of the other men of third-platoon if that happened.

As the pair walked out of the cabin, Dean snuck a glance at the three men who had interrupted them. They weren't paying attention at all.

~


	2. Another World (part ii).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this one will (probably) be the only two parter as it just turned out waaaaaaaaaay longer than I thought it would be, so I had to split it into two. I hope you enjoy!

***

It was a month later when Dean and Castiel found themselves stepping onto British grounds. They had just been trapped on a ship with thousands of other men for a week straight, which usually would be a blessing for such gay folk. However, with every passing hour, fear, dread and panic knotted Castiel's stomach. Mixed with sea sickness; Cas couldn't have been happier to see dry land.

With Cas being in his state, Dean didn't get much peace of mind either. Even though they weren't forced to do everything with their platoons on the ship, Dean still found that he couldn't spend every second on that boat with Castiel. It was torturing him, and he, too, was grateful to see dry land.

Once landed and the ships unloaded, the soldiers were reloaded onto trains and sent off to other parts of the country. Dean and Cas, and the rest of 35th Battalion were sent to Kent, a few hours train journey from the shipyard in Cornwall.

They arrived well past dark, after an extremely agonising train journey on Dean's behalf, who had to sit across the carriage from Castiel and watch as he nervously fiddled with the buttons on his combat jacket. All Dean wanted was to hold his hands still; he knew that a simple gesture like that would calm Cas down significantly.

Immediately after arrival, they unloaded their belongings from the train, as well as rations boxes and supplies, and were sent straight to their lodgings for a good night's rest, ready to start training again tomorrow.

Cas and Dean went to bed without any further exchange.

The next afternoon, after countless drills of loading and unloading their weapons, target shooting, sprints, obstacle courses with their packs on, just to name a few, the men were exhausted. After dinner, the COs let them have an hour's free time for their hard work, and the cheers in the makeshift mess tent hollered into the night. Dean was just as excited as the other men, because it meant he could take Castiel aside and talk to him properly.

While the other men were preoccupied with making plans to go to the local pub and hit on all the young women in the village, Dean slipped away quietly to find his baby. He had taken a mental note of his lodging address, and had noticed that he left the mess tent earlier than any of the other privates of third-platoon.

He found Cas' lodging easy enough, and knocked politely on the door, knowing full well that there were civilians in the house too. An elderly lady opened the door with a worn smile on her face. She greeted Dean warmly, and invited him in before even knowing his intentions.

Castiel was sitting at the small table in the kitchen, a mug of steaming light brown liquid cupped in his hands. He didn't look up when Dean entered.

"Would you like a cuppa?" The lady asked Dean as she moved around the kitchen, already preparing one.

"Uh, no thanks, ma'am. I'm just here to talk to Private Novak about important war-ly matters," Dean said in his best official military voice. The old lady smiled, and moved towards the living room.

"I'll leave you two to it. Thank you for your service."

It was the first time that Dean had been acknowledged by a civilian for his duty, and his heart swelled with pride. But then he was reminded of the problem at hand when Castiel abruptly stood up, his chair scraping back against the wooden floor.

"That's okay, Mrs. Nelson. This is your home. Private Winchester and I will speak outside," Cas said, nodding in a form of salute at the elderly woman, before pushing past Dean and out the front door. Dean smiled warmly, as warmly as he could manage in his current predicament, at Mrs. Nelson, then turned on his heel and followed Cas out into the street.

The sky was still light, as it was coming into summer, and the time was only 1930 hours. At this end of the street, everything was quiet. The houses were dark, and if there were civilians inside, there was no way of knowing. The far end of the street connected to the main road, which was a bustle of activity as soldiers wound down in their free hour. If Dean and Cas kept it quiet, they could get away with holding hands here.

Before Cas could get too far down the street, Dean reached for his wrist, grabbing it and pulling him off the sidewalk, into a small alleyway between two houses. Both ends of the alley were exposed, but as long as they stayed up against the walls of the houses, they shouldn't be caught.

The second they were out of sight from the main road, Dean slid his hand from Cas' wrist down to intertwine their fingers. Castiel visibly relaxed as Dean's palm fit nicely, securely, into his, the familiar tingles of Dean's touch coming back. God, he missed this.

Dean spun Cas to face him, and lead him backwards until his back hit the bricks. His right hand came up to lay flat on the brick by Cas' head, arm locking him in place. Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes, which held a determined look in them.

"You are not leaving until you tell me everything, and I comfort you until you're begging for kisses," Dean growled.

A slight smile played on Cas' lips as he spoke, "wow, Dean, the army really has made you dominant. Who knew?"

Dean couldn't keep a serious face. He burst into a grin and sighed. "Goddammit, Cas. I'm trying to be serious and then you go say things like that," he joked, squeezing their still intertwined hands. A silence fell over the pair as Dean searched Castiel's face, again, trying to remember every inch of it, just in case.

"Dean, I'm so fucking scared," Cas eventually whispered, not looking up from where his eyes were locked on to the collar of Dean's uniform.

Dean's heart broke. "I am too, babe." His hand left the wall as he brought two fingers to Castiel's chin, lifting it ever so slightly to bring his blue eyes up to meet his green ones.

"Even though we are both scared shitless, we have to do it now. There's no going back. We're here in England, and the war is just over there in France, and you and I are here, together. And when we're together, we can get through anything, remember?"

Cas nodded his head once. "I don't want to go," he said, contradicting his action.

"You have to. When you signed on, you agreed to serve your country. You haven't even done that yet," Dean argued.

"Need I remind you, Dean, I didn't want to enlist. But you made me. So you have to get me out of this." Cas folded his arms across his chest as best be could between their bodies and stared Dean down.

"There's no getting out of it, Cas. When will you understand that? Are you just gonna shoot yourself in the foot just to go home on medical leave? Once you heal, you'll be sent straight back, so might as well get it over and done with now. It's only a year, Cas. It can't be that bad. The war isn't even at full swing yet, and we're the 35th Battalion. There's 34 other battalions they've gotta send in before us! They'll win it for us, and we'll be sent home before we know it." Once he finished his little spiel, Dean looked over his shoulder both ways, before stooping down to press a soft kiss to Cas' lips once he saw the coast was clear. "I love you so damn much."

At the feel of Dean's lips, Castiel crumpled. He loved the safe feeling he got when Dean kissed him, the feeling that Dean would protect him against anything, that he could do anything as long as Dean was at his side.

"I love you too, Dean."

As Cas looked up into Dean's green eyes, he was reminded of that summer's day under the tree, Dean's green eyes looked exactly like the green of the leaves of the oak tree. It warmed him to remember that day, just him and Dean, alone, where no one could bother them. He rocked forward on his toes to crash his lips to Dean's in a stronger, passionate kiss. He hoped it wouldn't be their last.

As the kiss got heated, and both men got lost into it, a gruff voice was heard behind them.

"Winchester! Novak!"

The two pulled away as fast as lighting, twirling to come face to face with one Lieutenant Crowley, Charlie company's CO. His face was a violent red, the vein in his forehead that throbbed when yelling drills at them was now pulsing to bursting point.

"Major Singer's. Now," he growled. The couple exchanged worried glances before following Lieutenant Crowley with their heads hung low.

~

Dean stood outside Battalion HQ waiting for Castiel to emerge after his meeting with the Major. He leaned against the wall, foot propped up against the wall to balance himself. He restlessly crossed and uncrossed his arms, rubbed his hands together, fiddled with his fingers, anything to shake the worry that was stirring in his gut.

His own meeting had gone surprisingly well for the circumstances. He had been let off with a week of latrine duty after he had tried his best to innocently explain the situation. _It must have worked_ , he thought.

Soldiers eyed him funnily as they passed along the street, and he waved and grinned at every single one; he wasn't sure if it was to reassure them or himself that everything was fine.

As the seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes turned into hours, Dean's worry didn't let up, and neither did his fidgeting. The sky faded from blue, to orangey-pink, to purple, to midnight blue, and stars began to appear. The sliver of a moon rose over the horizon and began it's nightly trek across the sky.

It wasn't until the moon was only just reaching the highest point in the sky that the door to Battalion HQ opened, a rectangle of orange light spilling into the street, and a figure stumbled out beside Dean. He pushed off the wall and over to the man who looked like he'd been crying for hours, his face swollen and tear stained in the weak moonlight.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean asked, his hand resting on Cas' elbow in reassurance. Cas flinched away from his touch, moving his arm out of Dean's grasp. Hurt crossed Dean's face as he let his hand hang there in midair, as if he was waiting for Cas to move back into it.

"I'm leaving, Dean."

Dean took a step back in shock, his hand only now falling to his side. "You're what?"

"I'm being sent to the 48th Battalion. Effective immediately," Castiel said, his voice full of defeat. As he stood there in the street, his head hung low and scuffing his feet, Dean thought Cas looked like a child. A scared, lonely, crushed child that didn't belong in war.

What was he going to do without Dean? Dean was the only one who could protect him. Despite all the training he'd had, Castiel didn't feel ready to go into battle without Dean. Without knowing where Dean was. Now they would be separated by this war and not know when, if, the other was alive, dead, or somewhere in between.

Dean sighed deeply, dragging his hands down his face in the process. "Then we'll write to each other," he said, hope filling his voice as the idea grew on him. "We'll write every second we can. We'll update each other on everything we're doing, everything that's happening, where we are, what we're thinking. It'll be like we're with each other the whole time. Cas, we can't let this get the better of us; we can get through this." Dean stepped back towards Cas, his hand reaching for his arm again.

"Alright, Dean," Cas said. He didn't have the will to argue with him. He didn't want to leave him on bad terms; it wasn't his fault. Some things were out of their hands, and they took a risk kissing out in the open like that. This was their punishment.

At that moment, the door to Battalion HQ opened again and Lieutenant Crowley appeared. His face was dark in shadow from the orange light shining behind him. To Cas and Dean, he looked frighteningly like the King of Hell or something along those terms.

"I'm to escort you to the train, Private Novak. It's time to go."

They didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.

~

 _March, 1942_ _._

Dean lay in his foxhole somewhere in France, cold, wet and miserable. This foxhole in particular was especially uncomfortable, with rocks and tree roots digging into his back in every position he lay in. He tossed and turned for hours, before deciding enough was enough, and checking his watch. 0200 hours.

It'd been just under a year since he'd last seen Cas, but they hadn't stopped writing to each other. Every other week, Dean got a letter in the mail from his love, and he would stop what he was doing immediately and go somewhere private to read it. When Cas found out that the war was going to continue and that they had to stay on until the end instead of going home, Dean received a very long letter, three pages exact, on how goddamn scared Cas was. A few days later, Castiel received a letter that was double the length of his, all containing reassurances from Dean that they will make it home together alive. He could feel it in his gut. When times got a little rough for Cas, he'd pull that letter out and read Dean's words, almost hearing his voice in his head as if he were here talking to him, and Cas would feel safe, no matter where he was reading it from.

Word had gotten out about their kiss, and everyone in the company, nay battalion, had mixed feelings about it. Most of them were negative. Dean tried his hardest to ignore the names he got called as he went about his day-to-day chores and activities when they weren't at battle. It seemed as though the only time he wasn't being called a 'fag' was the times they were being shot at by Nazis.

But Dean was used to it, and over his lifetime he had learned that the only way to survive was to ignore it. Luckily for Dean, he had Private Lafitte and Private Tran still on his side, so life wasn't all that bad. He just hoped that Cas wasn't having as hard of a time with the name-calling as he was.

Alas, it was now that Dean needed to get to sleep. They were to be up and ready to march by 0500 hours, and Dean hadn't got a wink to sleep yet. He settled down again, finding a slightly more comfortable position where there were no rocks, and closed his eyes.

And in his head, he imagined Castiel. Dean imagined him curled up beside him in the foxhole, snoring lightly. He imagined snuggling up closer to Cas, sharing each other's body warmth on this chilly night. His imagination was so vivid that when he pretended to lay his head on Cas' chest, he could almost feel the rise and fall of Cas' breathing, hear the steady beat of his heart.

Within minutes, Dean was out of it, a small smile on his face as he dreamt about his boyfriend.

~

Dean was awoken at 0400 hours by Private Lafitte, who clambered a out of his own foxhole next to Dean's a little too loudly. Benny cursed under his breath, knowing full well that he was making a racket. Dean groaned, mumbling something about being too early, when a flashlight was shone on him, and Benny stood above him.

"Hey, mate, sorry. Did I wake you?" he whispered.

Dean simply opened his eyes and glared up at him in response. Benny cursed and apologised again, and then he was gone. A few seconds later, Dean heard Lieutenant Crowley scold Benny for having the torch on.

Now that Dean was awake, he decided that sleeping for another half hour was pointless - he'd be tired either way - and decided to use the time to write to Cas as he wasn't sure when the next time he'd get free time would be.

With the night still upon them, and flashlights absolutely prohibited, Dean had to try to write as clearly as he could in the dark. 

_To the absolute love of my life, Cas,_

_In an hour we're moving out to march to God knows where, but all I know is that I'll be thinking of you. I'm writing this in the dark with a light ban, so please bare with it if my handwriting is funny._

_Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I closed my eyes and imagined you were there beside me. It would be so cute if you and I could cuddle in a foxhole together. I mean, I wish we were cuddling in a warm bed in a real house that doesn't have holes blown out of it, in a place where there was no war. But since we are at war, cuddling in a foxhole with you doesn't seem half bad._

_I was just thinking, ya know, I wish things were different. I wish we lived in the past, or even the future, where there is no war. Where you and I could be together without any hassle. I wish we lived in another world where there were never any wars, never any laws against two men getting married, never any homophobic parents to breathe down our necks 24/7. Nothing_ _that_ _could keep us apart. It would just be you and me, in a small cottage in the countryside. How about, when we get back, we find out who owns that land where that oak tree was and we buy it from them with our wages and build a house there. It would be a cute story to tell Sammy's kids when they grow old enough to comprehend stories. We could just be domestic together, that's all I want. To wake up next to you in a real bed every day._

 _You hold me to that. I will make it happen, I will. You and I will make it home once this war is over, and we will live in a quaint cottage_ _,_ _just the two of us. Our parents wouldn't even have to know. We can just say that we're roommates. We got closer while we were at war and now we need each other to deal with the PTSD from war. They'll believe us, I betcha. And we don't need to get married, we don't need a piece of paper telling us that we love each other. I know that I love you, and that you love me, and that's all we need._

 _They've just called the five minute warning for us to get ready now, and I still need to clean up my pack, so I'll sign off here. I can't believe I've been writing to you for almost an hour! I could talk to you forever. In another world perhaps we could_ _talk forever and ever. Promise me we'll make our own world when we get back. Promise._

_I love you so damn much, Cas. I cannot express how much I love you in a letter. I wish I could kiss you. Just know that I'm thinking of you every second._

_From t_ _he love of your life, Dean xxx_

Dean didn't have a chance to send it off now, so he folded the letter into four and tucked it into his breast pocket, keeping it close to his heart for the time being. The sappy, romantic side of him hoped that some sort of love energy would seep into the letter, so that it had his heart in it when it reached Cas. Dean quickly gathered his pack and rifle, throwing them out of the foxhole before clambering out himself. Slinging his pack onto his back, his rifle onto his shoulder, he jogged over to where the rest of Charlie company was gathered, not quite yet in attention. He sighed as he fell into place beside Private Tran. This was going to be a long day.

~

The 35th Battalion had been walking for hours, through the moon sinking beyond the horizon to say hello to those at home on the other side of the Earth, through the sun rising and the temperature climbing, making the day out to be one of the hottest in a long while.

The only thing getting Dean through the heat, blisters on his feet, and exhaustion making each and every single one of his bones ache, was the memory of Cas under the oak tree. Although it was getting kind of fuzzy due to it being almost two years ago, but Dean could still picture the colours and the feeling he had when looking at his angel. It was all Dean could think about. It was all he wanted to think about.

They were marching through an open field, the only sound was the rhythmic footsteps of the battalion marching in unison, when there was a loud pop, and Private Fitzgerald at the front of the line went down. Cries of, "get down!" and, "take cover!" could be heard throughout the battalion as the COs scrambled to protect their men.

But Dean wasn't fast enough. Shots rang out across the field faster and at a higher rate, catching the men that were too slow to fall to their stomachs. It wasn't until Dean's head hit the ground in a disconnected manner that he realised that he had been hit. His chest closed up, breathing became unsteady as if he were trying to take a breath underwater. He felt like he had fallen into a puddle, his uniform wet. In the distance, he heard cries for "medic!" and his vision began to swim and cloud over. But Dean wasn't scared, as he looked up at the big blue sky above him, one final word slipped from his lips.

"Cas."

Dean Winchester died on a sunny day in the fields of western France. He was shot through the heart during a surprise German attack on the 35th and 36th Battalion of the United States Army. Dean died in battle, but the body was recovered and sent to his family in Lawrence, Kansas. A letter was found in the breast pocket of Dean's uniform, a bullet hole punched straight through and stained with blood, deeming it unreadable. Dean died peacefully, without pain, and with loving thoughts of his beloved angel, Castiel.

~*~


	3. Gorilla

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Foul language and heavy smut. . . enjoy . . .

***

[ _ 2\. Gorilla - Bruno Mars _ ](https://youtu.be/SNx80sYoVqE)

Dean sat at the bar of some random pub in Lebanon, Kansas. Sam, Cas and himself had just arrived back to the bunker after a vampire hunt nearby. The plan of attack didn't exactly go as planned, and Cas was almost bitten. If it weren't for Dean's quick reflexes, Cas would be a vampire right about now.

Dean shuddered at the thought, lifting his glass to his lips and downing the last gulp of bitter brown liquid. He slammed the glass back down on the wooden bar, and growled at the bar tender.

"Another," he said gruffly. The bar tender eyed him warily, but filled another glass nonetheless.

This upcoming glass would be Dean's seventh, but he wasn't feeling the affect of the alcohol yet. His tolerance to alcohol was starting to annoy him.

As the bartender placed the seventh glass in front of Dean, a hand was placed on his shoulder and a body clambered onto the bar stool next to him. Dean didn't need to look up to know who it was.

"Hello, Dean."

He took a swig from his glass. "How're you feeling, Cas?"

"I'm fine. I'm grateful that you saved me," Cas replied, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the bar, copying Dean's position.

Dean simply grunted in response, taking another drink of alcohol. A silence fell over the pair as Dean swirled the liquid around in his glass, and Cas watched him with a curious gaze.

"Why do you drink alcohol, Dean?" Cas asked, curiosity laced in his voice.

Dean scoffed at the bluntness of his question, eyes locked on his half-empty glass. "It makes me feel good," he replied.

Castiel tilted his head slightly, a frown burrowing in his eyebrows. "Do you not usually feel good?"

The remark made Dean look up from his glass, his eyes meeting Cas'. The alcohol was beginning to take effect now, as Dean actually thought Cas looked adorable. His eyes searched Cas' face for . . . Dean doesn't know what. He dropped his glance back to his glass. "No."

"But why? You are the best person I have ever met. You are kind hearted, warm, and caring. Not to mention, very handsome."

Dean's head snapped around to look at Cas, his eyes incredulous. Cas thought he was handsome? His eyes flicked down to Cas' untouched glass then back up to those blue eyes. Yep, the alcohol was working now as he felt the liquid courage warm his veins, his confidence growing. Well, he might as well take advantage of it.

"You're not too bad yourself," he said, smirking a little.

Cas blushed, only now taking his first sip from the glass. "Jimmy is simply my vessel, Dean. I do not actually look like this."

Dean scoffed. "He's been your vessel for long enough now that he's become you. To me at least."

Cas smiled slightly, his eyes watching Dean as he took another swig. "Thank you. I'm assuming that was a compliment."

As Dean turned to glance at Cas again, Cas snapped his gaze forward, pretending he wasn't just watching Dean's throat muscles hungrily as he swallowed the foul liquid, or his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, thinking of how much he wanted to kiss and nip all over Dean's neck.

Dean chuckled lightly, murmuring, "yeah, it was," and knowing full well that Cas was just checking him out. He decided that now was the time, the time to take a leap of faith.

"Hey, Cas," he said, casually, "ya know, I've been thinking about this for a while now. . ." he trailed off.

Castiel turned to look at him, curiosity crossing his features. "What is it?"

Dean didn't respond with words. The liquor took over and he leaned forward, crashing his lips onto Castiel's. Cas didn't move for a few seconds, shock freezing his body. But as Dean's lips moved on his, coaxing his lips into action, Castiel eventually kissed back. The kiss turned heated quickly, full of force, want and need, as if both parties had been waiting, wishing, for this for a long time.

Sometime later, neither Cas or Dean knew how long it had been, they pulled away, Dean's chest heaving as if he'd just ran a marathon, Cas not needing to breath since he was an angel. A soft smile and blush formed on Cas' face, as he turned back to his drink shyly. On the contrary, Dean was grinning from ear to ear.

"Come on," he said, suddenly jumping off his barstool and grabbing Cas' hand. "Let's head back to the bunker."

Cas didn't waste any time, letting Dean pull him off his own bar stool and out of the bar. They reached the Impala in no time, sliding in and Dean starting her up, hurriedly pulling out of the bar's parking lot. They were home in no time, due to Dean driving well over the speed limit.

The bunker was quiet when they arrived, the lights turned low. Dean assumed that Sam was asleep, but he didn't want to stop and check, dragging Cas immediately to his room. Once inside, he closed and locked the door. He turned on his heel to see Cas standing in the middle of his room, looking slightly awkward.

"Dean, what are we doing?"

Dean sighed, taking a step into the room. "Cas, I've liked you for a really long time, and-"

"I like you too, Dean. I rebelled against heaven for you. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't like someone," Cas interrupted.

Dean smiled. "And I'm grateful," he began. "But it's not that type of like. I like you with romantic intentions, hence the kiss. . ."

At the mention of the kiss, Cas blushed furiously. Dean had never known the angel to blush, he didn't even think angels could blush, so it made him feel pretty special that he had that effect on Cas.

"I must admit," Dean continued, "I have been thinking about this, about you, for a long time, and perhaps even some dirty things have crossed my mind. Dirty things I wanna do to you." This time it was Dean's turn to blush and scuff his feet. "And this is definitely the alcohol talking, but I'm being completely honest when I say that I've jacked off to the thought of you multiple times." 

He couldn't believe he'd just said that. He looked down at his feet, not wanting to see Cas' reaction. Because he'd be sure that Cas didn't feel the same way. Did angels even jack off?

"What I'm saying is, I really want you. I want you to take me on this bed and fuck me senseless. Right here, right now." Dean grew more and more confident with each word. He took several more steps in Cas' direction. Castiel's expression was unreadable. There was nothing, no hint of any indication that Cas felt the same way as Dean. It made Dean nervous. Perhaps this wasn't a good idea after all.

"Dean . . ."

"You know what? Never mind," Dean backtracked quickly. "This is just the alcohol talking. And I'm kinda horny. I'll just let you leave and I'll-"

He was cut off by lips crashing onto his. Immediately he kissed back, urgent and biting. He took that as his invitation to continue, and stepped Cas back until he hit the bed. He pushed gently on Cas' shoulders to lay him back, climbing on top of him until they were both horizontal on Dean's bed, still connected by the lips.

The kiss deepened and Dean nibbled a little on Cas' bottom lip, coaxing his mouth open to slip his tongue in to meet Castiel's. Their tongues danced around each other, Cas falling for the taste of Dean, alcohol still evident on his tongue. Dean was gentle, yet full of need for Cas, which made him feel special, wanted.

It wasn't long before the layers of clothes were being shed. First Castiel's trench coat and Dean's brown leather jacket. Then various shirts and undershirts, all thrown in a dishevelled manner across Dean's room. Before they knew it, both men were down to their boxers.

Dean sat up slightly, disconnecting their lips and making Cas pout slightly. Dean chuckled and pecked the pouting angel's lips before sitting back and admiring the sight before him. Castiel was absolutely beautiful. Despite Cas being insecure about Dean falling for Jimmy rather than him, to Dean, the angel's vessel was a part of him now. Cas had made his vessel his own, and to be fair, Dean much preferred the angel inside.

"I never thought this day would come," Dean said gruffly, his voice slightly hoarse from a mixture of kissing, alcohol, and lack of speaking. He looked down at Cas, right deep into his eyes as he said, "I think I love you."

Castiel blushed and reached up to lace his fingers through Dean's short hair, curling to grip and pull Dean's face down to his.

That was enough for Dean. He kissed Cas back forcefully, his undeniable need overcoming him. He connected his lips to Cas' neck, his fingers finding Cas' and interlacing them tightly. He kissed, nipped and sucked all around Cas' neck, chest and stomach, earning soft moans from the angel in response. The sound stirred something in Dean's lower abdomen, and he felt Cas' cock twitch against his thigh where they were pressed together.

Castiel's hand that was in his hair suddenly gripped, pulling ever so slightly to bring Dean back to his lips. By now Cas was panting, with every rise of his chest pressing against Dean's. Dean assumed it was just a reflex that came with sexual arousal, and not for need of air.

"Say you want me," Dean panted against Cas' lips between kisses.

"I want you, Dean."

"Let me hear you say you want it all."

"I want you to fill me up, Dean. I want it all."

At Castiel's words, Dean's cock twitched and stirred, the fabric of his boxers growing ever so tighter.

He left Cas' lips, kissing straight down his chest, stomach, to the top of his boxer shorts. Castiel's breath hitched as Dean neared his cock. Dean flicked his thumb under the band of Cas' boxers, his tongue sliding under too, and slowly, ever so painfully slowly, dragged Cas' boxers off his hips, down his perfectly firm ass, to his thighs, releasing his semi-hard cock in the process. Dean hadn't seen anything more perfect, as he carefully removed Castiel's boxers off the remainder of his legs.

Dean looked up at Cas through his eyelashes, who was watching Dean with a curious yet pained expression as Dean hovered over his cock, not touching.

"Hurry up, Dean," Cas groaned, his hips bucking up in order to get closer to Dean. But Dean backed away, moving up to Cas' lips and kissing them roughly.

"Oh, there's no rush, baby. We got all the time in the world to do as many nasty things as we want to each other. But I promise, once I'm done with you, you'll be screaming my name until you're hoarse," Dean murmured seductively.

"Then what are you waiting for?" Cas asked, his voice equally seductive. Dean didn't need any more confirmation. He connected his lips to Cas' while his hand slid down to softly palm Castiel's cock. Cas moaned against his lips from the contact, the rhythm of his kisses faltering for a moment, as if his brain lost all functions. Dean grinned, the feeling of knowing his affect on the angel giving him more courage and beginning to wrap his fingers around the thickness of his dick, his hand moving painfully slow, rousing more and more moans. The sound was heaven to Dean's ears, his hand only speeding up as a result of him wanting to hear more.

It wasn't long before Dean had Cas writhing under his grip, the angel moaning his name along with various other cursed words, the sounds making Dean's own dick grow hard. But before Cas could reach his limit, Dean removed his hand teasingly, making Cas groan and pout from the lack of contact.

"Dean . . ." he panted, his eyes opening and glaring up at the smirking man above him. Dean simply leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Oh, Angel, this is just the beginning. We can't let you come now, otherwise it would ruin the fun," Dean explained, climbing off Cas for a second to remove his own boxers. Cas' eyes left his face as his throbbing cock was freed from the restraining fabric, and Dean saw his pupils dilate at the sight. He chuckled as Cas eagerly scrambled up from his horizontal position over to the edge of the bed where Dean stood in all his glory. It was then where Cas really surprised him, taking the tip of his dick in his mouth, his tongue slipping over his tip. Dean's knees buckled, and he pushed Cas back, unable to stand if Cas continued for much longer.

Dean positioned Cas to sit up against the headboard, and he took a second to admire the beauty before him. He honestly couldn't believe his luck. But the sappiness was interrupted by his almost painfully aching cock, and he couldn't wait any longer for Cas' mouth to take him. He moved towards Cas, his cock lining up with his mouth, as he inserted the tip into the wetness of Cas' mouth. Again, Dean's knees buckled slightly at ecstatic feeling that rolled through his body and his hips involuntarily thrust forward into Cas' mouth. As the tip of his cock hit the back Cas' throat, Dean moaned in pleasure while Cas gagged at the sudden thickness forcing his throat open. But he simply swallowed (causing Dean to shudder), took a deep breath, and slid his hands up Dean's legs to rest on his ass cheeks. He then used his hands to guide Dean's hips and cock in and out of his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and slipping his tongue around the man's pleasure. Dean was moaning his own obscenities, as his hands laced into Cas' dark hair and he fucked into his mouth.

"Yes, Cas . . . ahh fuck," he growled from deep in his throat as his stomach tightened and he knew he was close. But in a second, Cas' mouth was gone, as he pulled away from Dean and shutting it firmly, smirking up at the trembling man above him. Dean knew exactly what he was doing, and he playfully glared down at him.

"You little shit," he murmured, lowering himself until he was eye-level with the grinning angel. He looked deeply into those blue eyes, ghosting his lips over Cas' in a teasing manner. His cock was still throbbing achingly, longing for that high, twitching when the tip brushed against Cas' exposed stomach as he leaned closer to Cas' ear.

"You're going to pay for that." His voice was low, seductive, and it made Cas shiver. "Once I'm done with you, you'll be trembling with just a single look from me. I'm going to make you feel so damn good that you'll be begging for more while I'm still fucking you."

Before Castiel could react, Dean's hands were on his hips, pulling him down the bed and flipping him over roughly. Dean's hands were on his ass, massaging from his cheeks to his hole, spreading his ass cheeks wider for better access. Dean thumbed the hole, making Cas shiver in pleasure, inviting Dean to go further.

Dean's tongue felt cold and foreign when it licked over Cas' asshole for the first time, but it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was actually quite sensually satisfying and he felt his still hard cock twitch against his stomach where it was smothered between the bed. As Dean continued to lick, suck and insert his tongue in his hole, Cas raised his hips off the bed in pleasure, wanting to get closer to Dean's mouth. As he did so, his cock dragged against the sheets, causing a hot wave building in his stomach. It felt good, so he did it again. And again. Soon enough, he was fucking against Dean's mouth and the bed, the hot pleasure building from both ends. It fogged his brain, leaving him incapable of any comprehensive thoughts except for "fuck" and "Dean", which slipped from his mouth every few seconds.

Dean was having the time of his life, watching the angel unravel underneath his touch. As Cas found his fucking rhythm between his mouth and the bed, Dean pulled away. But not for long, as he brought his finger up to circle Cas' rim. Cas moaned as Dean pressed his index finger into his asshole. With the assistance of Dean's saliva, the finger slid in easily up to the knuckle and Dean felt Cas tighten around him. Cas' hips had stopped moving and he was silent, which caused Dean to start to worry. Was this too much for the angel, especially for his first time? Dean knew Cas had had sex before, but he also knew it was with a woman, April, and the roles were kinda reversed, at least that's what he assumed.

Dean floundered; what the fuck was he thinking? Of course this was new to Cas, and he just went straight in there with no warning. Cas was still silently breathing beneath him, and Dean decided that was his way of showing him that he was done. With reluctance, Dean slowly removed his finger and Cas shuddered underneath his touch.

When Dean's finger didn't come back into him, Cas turned his head slightly to see what was going on.

"Dean?"

"I'm sorry, Cas."

Cas fully turned over at this, bringing his legs up to sit in front of Dean. "Why are you sorry?"

"I shouldn't have gone so fast with you. This is our first time and all I wanted was some rough, dirty sex, when I knew it should have been slow and romantic. I'm sorry if I hurt you." Dean's gaze dropped to his lap, where his cock was still hard against his stomach, but no longer throbbing for touch.

Castiel leaned forward and placed two fingers under Dean's chin, lifting his head so that they could look into each other's eyes.

"Dean," he began, "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk tomorrow. I want your big cock inside my ass right now, filling me up until I'm screaming your name loud enough for everyone back in town to hear. You could never hurt me, but please, fuck me."

With every word Cas spoke, Dean's eyes darkened in lust. By the end of Cas' little spiel, Dean had already pulled him onto his lap, fingers already finding his hole from this new position. As he began to finger Cas' asshole, he realised that his saliva had already dried by now, so he released his grip, bringing his first two fingers to his mouth. He slid them in, his eyes locked on Cas' as he twirled his tongue around them, getting them as wet as he could. He played a little, softly fucking his fingers into his mouth just to tease Cas, who had his eyes locked onto his mouth, practically drooling.

Dean pulled his fingers from his mouth, instantly finding their home in Cas' ass and sliding his first one in with ease. Castiel moaned, his hole tightening around Dean's finger, and he crashed forward onto Dean's lips. The pair open-mouth kissed, tongues dancing around each other, as Dean fucked his finger faster into Cas.

But one finger wasn't enough for Cas and soon he was begging Dean for another. Dean obeyed, slowly, painfully, inserting a second finger. This time, Cas' hole didn't give in so easily, and he yelped as it became agonisingly tight. Dean noticed and immediately pulled out.

As Castiel mumbled apologies, Dean slowly untangled himself from Cas as he mumbled his reassurances. He crawled over to the bedside table, opening the top drawer and pulling a tube out.

"Don't worry, babe," he said as he turned back to the angel sitting on his bed, completely and utterly naked and hard. "I have reinforcements."

Dean crawled back over to his love, pressing kisses to his lips when he reached him. He settled back down in front of Cas and pulled him onto his lap. As the angel settled comfortably, Dean prepped himself, smothering lube onto his fingers. He looked up at Cas, pressing a kiss to his nose and making him giggle, as his fingers circled around to find Cas' asshole again. This time, both fingers slid in easily, however Cas still hissed at the sharp pain from the sudden thickness stretching his asshole. Dean simply kissed his lips as he rested his fingers there, waiting for Cas to give him the go ahead to move them.

Cas was silent for a few moments, their foreheads pressed together. As Dean waited, his free hand left Cas' ass to wrap around his cock. He dragged his hand slowly, tightening at the base and loosening to thumb across Cas' tip as he pulled. Cas' chest began to heave again, and Dean felt his asshole loosening around his fingers. As he pulled, twisted and dragged Cas' cock, his fingers began a pumping rhythm into Cas' asshole. It wasn't long before Cas was writhing in his arms, trembling under Dean's touch.

Before Cas got too close, Dean's fingers left his asshole and found the tube of lube. He smothered it onto his own cock, giving it a few quick pumps, before aligning it with Cas' asshole. The tip brushed against Cas' hole and both men shuddered. Dean looked up at Cas, asking with his eyes if he was ready. Castiel simply took a deep breath and nodded, readying himself for the sharp pain that was about to come. Dean's cock was significantly thicker than his fingers, and despite the help from the lube, he knew it would be painful.

Dean grabbed Cas' hips and began to guide him down onto Dean's hard, lubricated cock. As the tip pressed into his asshole, Cas gasped as a sharp pain ripped through his ass. Dean stopped, worry crossing his features as the angel rested his hand on Dean's chest, panting.

Then, he nodded.

And Dean pressed in further, resulting in another pained inhale from the angel. He kissed the swollen, pink lips of the man on top of him, waiting patiently for the pain to pass. The pair continued like this for several minutes, until Dean's full thickness was enveloped in Castiel's asshole.

"How are you?" Dean broke the silence, a soft, worried tone laced in his voice.

Cas nodded thoughtfully, his eyes locking onto Dean's. "It's painful, but it feels good. I think once we start moving, it will be okay," he said.

"Okay, let me know if it gets too much and we'll stop," Dean reassured, his thumbs rubbing circles into Cas' hips. Cas nodded again, and Dean began to move his hips up to slide further into the angel. Cas hissed, but the pain subsided a lot quicker this time.

Instead of letting Dean know he was ready, Cas decided to experiment with rolling his hips slightly.

The sudden movement made Dean groan, "fuck, just like that." It urged Cas on, pushing him to lift his hips this time. As he rolled his hips down and around, Dean's cock hit something in him that sent a rolling wave of pleasure through him. Cas shuddered and moaned, lifting his hips again to slam back down on that exact spot. Dean realised what he hit, smirking as he bucked his hips up when Cas was coming down, resulting in a, "fuck, Dean," slipping from Cas' lips. The sound was music to Dean's ears and he found his own rhythm that fit into Cas', fucking his hips into Cas when Cas rolled his down. The pain had completely gone from Cas, and all he was feeling now was the upmost fucking pleasure he could ever feel. He was starting to understand why Adam and Eve betrayed God.

As the pair found their pleasurable rhythms, the sound of their moans, curses and slapping of skin on skin as Cas' ass slammed into Dean's hips became louder, echoing out of the room and filling the bunker. If they were quieter, they would have heard Sam's bedroom door slam, and violent knocking on Dean's door. But alas, they were too preoccupied, the pleasure causing their attention to only being on the fucking good feeling of each other.

As Dean continued to fuck into his prostate, it wasn't long before Cas felt the comings of his orgasm. The pleasure in his stomach grew and grew, until it was almost unbearable, and his body began to tremble and shake. Dean sped up, knowing what was coming and wanted Cas' first orgasm with him to be his best. As Dean pounded his hips into his ass, the heat in Castiel's stomach burned hot, and he closed his eyes, then he felt a sort of pleasurable release through his cock, and his stomach was wet and sticky. He opened his eyes and Dean's thrusts slowed and saw that his stomach, along with Dean's, was covered in a sticky, white substance, that was oozing out of Cas' cock.

Dean pulled out of Cas, and his hand lost its grip on Cas' ass to grab onto his own cock, wanting to finish like Castiel. But Cas wasn't having none of that. He forcefully yanked Dean's hand off his cock, wrapping his own around it instead, and began to pull on it, loosening and tightening his hand much like Dean did when he was jacking him off before. Dean's earlier shock of Cas taking over gave way to pleasure as he began to feel that familiar warmth in his stomach.

For so many years he had imagined this moment while he masturbated, the only thing that annoyed him back then was the fact that it was his own hand tugging on his cock. But the moment was finally here. Unlike in his imagined masturbation fantasy, he opened his eyes to watch the angel jerk off his dick, taking in every single detail, feeling, sound, in case he needed it later. He doubted it, though, because now that he had had sex with Cas, he didn't think that simple masturbation was enough to suffice his sexual needs anymore.

Dean began to buck his hips up into Cas' hand, and grabbed Cas' head with the other, bringing their lips together in a rough kiss.

It wasn't long before Dean orgasmed, his come mixing with Cas' on both their stomachs. He briefly broke their kiss, only just to moan as he hit his high, his face scrunching up. Cas began slowing down his drags as Dean came down from his high, connecting their lips again, his heart full with love for the hunter as he played with the thought that he could make Dean feel that good and nobody else can.

As Cas was still distractedly stroking his cock, Dean took the opportunity to tackle the angel back onto the bed, laying atop of him once both men were horizontal. He grinned into the skin of Cas' shoulder as he felt Cas chuckle through his stomach.

"That was incredible," Castiel murmured, his arms snaking around the hunter.

Dean simply pressed his lips to Cas' shoulder. "It was so much better than I imagined," he added. 

Cas froze. "You've imagined this before?"

Dean laughed, lifting his eyes to rest on Cas' confused face. "Hell yes I have. I haven't been able to jerk off to Busty Asian Beauties ever since you returned from Purgatory that one time," he admitted. "At first I was scared that all I could think about was you whenever I was horny, but to be honest, I'm glad I did, because it paid off." He smirked cheekily, before leaning up to press a kiss to Cas' jaw.

Castiel was silent. If he were human, Dean would be worried that he was dead from the lack of breathing and heartbeat. But Dean knew his angel, and he just snuggled further into him. A comfortable silence passed over the pair, and the bunker, Sam seemingly to have gone back to bed in defeat. Dean closed his eyes, feeling content when Cas opened his mouth.

"I love you, Dean."

~*~


	4. Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed already, I have put a link to a Spotify playlist of all the songs that I have used for these oneshots if you wanted to have a listen. There will also be a link at the start of this chapter (click on the number 3.) as well as the link to the specific song for this oneshot (a youtube link). Enjoy!

***

_[3.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/25QUKdVspmEkGys9evTASr) [Yes - Demi Lovato](https://youtu.be/yUyJ6SKp37I) _

Castiel woke up alone for the first time since . . . Well, he couldn't remember the last time he woke up alone.

He was in an unfamiliar room, morning sunlight streaming through the lace curtains, warming the bed he lay in.

Despite being alone in an unfamiliar room, Castiel wasn't afraid. In fact, he was excited, a wave of content and happiness rolled over him as he realised what day it was.

His wedding day.

He grinned to himself, sitting up and stretching. The sunlight streaked across the bed towards him, warming his skin. He sighed happily, taking in the silence as he knew it was the only peaceful moment he'd get that day.

And he was right. It wasn't long before his best man, the one and only Gabriel, burst into his hotel room, singing at the top of his lungs.

"It's a beautiful daaaayy," he screeched, not exactly on key. "The sun is shinin', I feel good, and noooooo one's gonna stop me now."

Castiel giggled, clambering up to stand on the bed. "It's a beautiful day," he joined in. "I feel good, I feel right!" He wobbled slightly as Gabe leaped up on the bed beside him to continue the next lyric together.

"And no one, no one's gonna stop me now, Mama." The pair of them screamed, flinging their arms out wide and thrusting their chests out. Neither of them sung on key, and they probably woke the neighbours up, but neither of them cared. As the lyrics stated, no one could stop them now.

The friends didn't bother to finish the song, instead they flopped down on the bed, side by side. Gabriel turned his head to look at his best friend, who was still grinning like a loony.

"How are ya feeling?" Gabe asked despite already, probably, knowing the answer.

Cas turned his head, his grin widening. "Fucking ecstatic," he replied. "I cannot wait to get married to the love of my life. I miss him already."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "It hasn't even been 24 hours yet. Can you literally not survive a day without him?"

"Nope. That's why I'm marrying him." Cas simply smirked at the man beside him.

The pair lay there for a silent minute before Gabriel clapped his hands once.

"Alrighty. I think we should start the wedding preparations. You, mister, are not allowed to leave this room until it's time for the ceremony. I have our families downstairs getting the hall ready under the watchful eye of your mother, and the wedding planner, so I'm pretty sure things will go to plan," Gabe announced, getting his ' _ serious business _ ' voice on.

Castiel and his future husband in just a few hours, Dean, had chosen a beautiful mountain top lodge in the state of Colorado for the location of their wedding. The weather was looking good for the weekend, which was much to the couple's delight as they were planning to have an outdoor ceremony, getting married in front of the view and the sunset. The reception was happening indoors, as once the sun set they knew it was going to get chilly. They had hired the lodge's large ballroom and were filling it with one long table than spanned the length of the ballroom, where the guests would sit for dinner. The guest list was small, consisting of both Cas and Dean's families, Gabe's family (since Cas grew up around them too), and their small amount of friends. It was all the couple wanted - they didn't need a "huge ass"wedding, as Dean put it.

Apart from the main logistics, such as location, guest list and food, Dean and Castiel had left the rest of the planning to their mothers and the wedding planner, claiming to not know, or care, much about the flowers, or colour schemes, or decorations that came with a wedding. All that mattered to Cas and Dean was the marriage, not the extravaganza that came with it. Cas was also a teeny tiny bit excited for the whole thing to be a surprise anyway.

Gabriel abruptly clapped his hands loudly, snapping Cas out of his little daydream. "Cas! For once in your goddamn lifetime can you stop daydreaming about your future husband's naked ass and focus? We have more important things at hand!" Gabe joked.

Cas laughed, blushing slightly. "I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that my future husband's ass is so damn perfect."

Gabe simply rolled his eyes and sat up, leaving the bed and disappearing into the adjoining room without another word. Cas smiled after him. The wedding was happening at sunset, which was at approximately 5:45pm. That gave Cas six hours to get ready, as the time was almost 11. His eyes bulged, thinking it was later than that, and he wondered why Gabe was in such a rush. Cas shrugged, deciding not to stress Gabe out more than he needed to, and clambered out of bed. He followed Gabe through the door, and was met with his groomsmen and family members cheering for him. A huge banner was hung across the wall, spouting a "Congratulations on your Wedding Day!".

Castiel grinning in surprise as a glass of champagne was thrust into his hand and arms grabbed him into warm hugs. Honestly, he thought this day couldn't get any better.

He spent the rest of the morning chatting with his friends and family, eating the snacks that the lodge provided and drinking slightly too much champagne. According to his mother, the decorating downstairs was going swimmingly, and he wasn't allowed to go out onto the balcony, because he would be able to see the ceremony and she wanted it to be a surprise for him.

At one o'clock, Cas was still in his pyjamas. That was until Gabriel clapped his hands again, getting the room's attention.

"It is T-minus four hours until the wedding, and our man of the hour is still in his pyjamas! Cas, it's time to get ready!" He gleefully rubbed his hands together. "Everyone that is not the groom, or his groomsmen, must leave the room immediately!"

Groans erupted from Cas and Gabe's parents, but they obeyed, giving Cas hugs goodbye as they left. Once they were gone, Gabe ushered Cas towards the shower. Let the wedding preparations begin!

~

Across the hallway, in Dean Winchester's hotel room, similar things were happening. Celebrations and congratulations, as well as the groomsmen showering and grooming themselves in order to look pristine for the ceremony. Except Dean wasn't as calm as Cas.

In fact, he was freaking the fuck out.

Not because he was having second thoughts, no, definitely not. He was freaking out because of nerves. And the lack of Cas in his life. It had been way too long since he'd seen his fiancé and he was seriously missing him. He didn't know if he could last four more hours.

"Do you want to call him?" his brother and best man, Sam, asked, worry lacing his features.

"Isn't it bad luck to see each other before the wedding?" Dean joked dryly, as he sat on a bar stool and some random hairdresser that Gabe had hired fiddled with his hair.

"You wouldn't see him though. I think a phone call is allowed," Sam reassured. He moved over to the bedside table where Dean's phone sat, picking it up and bringing it to his brother. He gave him a reassuring smile, then quietly ushered everyone out of the room.

Dean took a deep breath, standing on wobbly legs as he unlocked his phone and quickly found Cas' number. He dialled as he opened the balcony door and stepped outside into the cool mountain air. The hairs on his sleeveless arms stood on end, but Dean didn't feel the cold, his heart racing in his chest. The phone rang several times, but just as Dean was about to give up, it was picked up on Cas' end and Dean heard his angel's laugh coming through.

"Guys, guys, shut up! It's Dean," he heard Cas say away from the phone, before the room around him fell silent and a "Hello, Handsome," came through loud and clear.

"Hey, Baby," Dean said, relief flooding through his veins, his voice shaking a little.

Cas heard the falter in Dean's voice and instantly, he began to worry, "Dean? What's wrong?"

Dean was quick to reassure his future husband. "Nothing, Babe, nothing. I was just missing you, that's all. I needed to hear your voice."

This time, it was Cas' turn to flood with relief. He smiled widely. "I miss you too. Not long to go now!"

His next sentence was cut off by Gabriel yelling in the background, "T-minus three and a half hours!"

Both men chuckled, and Dean all but heard Cas roll his eyes. "Gabe's excited, as you can tell," he said. "How's it going?"

Dean nodded, despite Cas not being able to see. "It's going good. Mum and Dad were up before and we had some food. Did the lodge give you guys snacks?"

"Yeah, we got some! We also had too much champagne, but don't worry, I won't be drunk, or even tipsy, at the ceremony," Cas giggled.

Dean smiled fondly. "To be honest, it wouldn't matter to me, just as long as I get to marry you and call you my husband," he said, his fondness coming through in his voice.

Cas aww'ed, his heart swooning, and he knew that he had picked the right person to spend the rest of forever with. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, Cas. More than you'd ever know." The pair of them were grinning like a bunch of loonies, but they had an excuse.

Suddenly, there was a shout on Cas' end and he cursed. "Hey, Dean? Gabe is yelling at me, telling me to finish getting ready. I'll see you in . . . T-minus three hours and twenty minutes?"

Dean nodded again, unable to wipe the smile off his face. "Of course, Baby. I'll see you at the end of the aisle, in front of the sunset." He made a kissy noise across the phone, to which Cas giggled, and they hung up. He felt 100% better now that he heard his fiancé's voice, and he was ready to finish getting ready, and just get out there and marry the son of a bitch.

He re-entered the room to find Sam standing in front of the mirror, attempting to tie his tie. He had gotten it most of the way, except when he pulled it through, it went wonky. He groaned and yanked it apart, trying again.

"Need a hand there, Sammy?"

Sam turned at the sound of his brother's voice, his face falling in worry. "Are you okay?" He abandoned the tie to move closer to Dean.

Dean broke out into a smile, and nodded, "Yeah, everything's good. Here, let me help you with that." He dropped his phone on the bed, and reached out to tie Sam's tie.

"Shouldn't I be doing this for you?" Sam asked, jokingly.

Dean smiled up at his little brother, as he finished the tie. "You'll always be my little brother, no matter who's wedding we're at. And that means tying your tie."

The brothers grinned and hugged, before they were interrupted by the rest of Dean's groomsmen barging in, complaining that Gabriel was telling them off for standing around. The group laughed, and continued their preparations for the wedding.

~

At 5:30pm, Dean, Sam, and Dean's groomsmen, his best friends Benny Lafitte and Charlie Bradbury, all left Dean's room to head downstairs. Dean hovered around Cas' room, hearing laughter and longing to go in, but Sam's arm on his shoulder made him turn and continue. Only fifteen minutes until he can see his favourite person.

Before they left the room, Dean gave Sam his ring for Cas, to keep safe until it is needed during the ceremony. Sam had taken the ring with the utmost gentleness, and pocketed it in his tuxedo jacket, patting it to show Dean that it was in the right hands.

The party made their way to the lodge's ballroom, where they were meeting Cas' groomsmen. Guests were already filing in through the doors. Dean recognised members of Cas' extended family, and a mixture of old friends he hadn't seen in a while. He smiled and waved at them, his nerves starting to bubble up in his stomach. It was suddenly all real and happening, and he couldn't help the excited grin from spreading across his face.

~

Upstairs, Cas was trying his hardest not to look out the balcony window. Gabe was hopping from foot to foot as he pointed down at all the people he recognised, exclaiming each one to Cas, who was sat on the bed, bending down to tie the laces of his shoes. He and Dean had agreed that Dean would take the position as the typical "groom" in the wedding ceremony, since he proposed to Cas, and Cas would be the "bride". That simply meant that Cas would be the one walking down the aisle to be handed off to Dean.

When it neared 5:45pm, and Cas, Gabe, and Cas' two brothers, Michael and Lucifer, who were his groomsmen, began to make their way down to the lodge's reception, where Cas would hide with his parents until it was time for him to walk down the aisle. From here, Cas still couldn't see anything, which caused his nerves to grow. He hugged his brothers goodbye and good luck, as they were heading off to meet with Dean's groomsmen, to walk the aisle. Gabe gave Castiel the biggest hug ever, and the most proudest smile. He even teared up a little as he looked at his best friend, all made up in his black tuxedo, white undershirt, dark green bow tie, and his white rose boutonnière. Cas just squeezed Gabe's hand, telling him that he'll see him on the other side.

And then he was gone, and Cas was left with his parents. This was really happening.

The sun was beginning to set as the wedding planner called him into the ballroom. He took a deep breath and linked his arms with his parents, following the wedding planner. This was it.

~

When Cas' groomsmen arrived in the ballroom, the wedding planner lined them all up in the order they were to go out in. The guests were seated, and the wedding planner signalled for Charlie to start the ceremony. She strutted out of the ballroom, across the courtyard, and down the aisle. Dean admitted, she looked amazing in her groomsman's suit. Cas' brother, Lucifer, followed, getting a few whoops from Cas' cousins. Then, Benny, Michael, Sam, and finally Gabe. At last, it was Dean's turn. He was joined by his mother and father, who walked him out the doors. When in sight of the guests, a cheer went up from both sides, making a grin erupt on Dean's face. A warm, fuzzy feeling replaced his nerves, excitement that all his and Cas' families and friends were in the same place at the same time, and they were here to celebrate their love.

As Dean and his parents neared the altar, where Dean's groomsmen were already lined up on the right, Cas' on the left, they each kissed Dean on the cheek, and passed him off to the officiant. They took their seats in the front row, next to Dean's uncle, Bobby. Dean took a deep breath. It was time.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Could you please stand for the presentation of the groom," the officiant announced, and the crowd before them stood simultaneously, turning to face back down the aisle. Dean swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, and turned his attention to the doors of the ballroom, the ones he had just come out of. Music started up, but Dean didn't pay attention to it, holding his breath until he saw his angel. His Cas.

The doors opened, and figures emerged.

And there he was. Literally glowing in the setting sunlight.

And Dean burst into tears. He couldn't help it. Castiel looked absolutely incredible, and here he was, coming down the aisle towards him. To marry him. To become his husband.

When Cas neared the aisle, and he saw Dean with tears streaming down his face, he couldn't help but burst into tears too. Happy tears, of course. With the glowing sunset behind him, Dean looked radiant, even as he cried, dressed in his matching black tuxedo, white undershirt, blue bowtie and white rose boutonnière. Cas wanted to break off from his parents and run the rest of the way down the aisle. To hurry up and be the man's husband already. But he forced himself to continue taking it step by step, not to ruin the moment.

It felt like an eternity, but eventually they made it to the altar. Cas' mother kissed his cheek, as Dean stepped down. Cas' father took his hand, placing it in Dean's, and kissed his cheek as well, leaving Castiel in the hands of his soon-to-be husband. When the couple made eye contact, their grins widened, if that was possible, as they raked their eyes over each other, admiring the view.

"Alright, alright, you two!" Gabe called. "Can you stop eye-fucking each other and get married already? Then you'll have all the time in the world to do anything you want to each other." The crowd burst out laughing at Gabe's remark, and Cas blushed, letting Dean lead him up to the altar.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, just for Cas to hear.

"You're not too bad yourself," Cas replied, winking. Dean chuckled and the two settled across from each other, holding hands in the middle.

And the ceremony began.

The officiant started with a welcome to all the guests and families, and asked for any sharing of readings, words or songs from any of the guests. A few guests offered their words of wisdom to the couple, including Bobby, Cas' mother, and Cas' cousin, Hannah, who was like a sister to him. The officiant then presented his specialised message to the couple, and asked them for their vows. The pair had written their own, and as tradition states, Dean was up first.

"Castiel. My love. My world. My angel. Words cannot begin to describe how excited I am to become your husband. We have been through so much together, and I look forward to going through so much more. There is no one who I'd want more to be by my side. Well, except for Sammy. But you're a close second." The guests, including Castiel, burst out laughing, knowing the truth of the statement, but loving Dean more for his honesty.

"I promise to give my heart and soul into this marriage. I promise to always stop you if you try to walk away, because I am never letting you walk away from me ever again. I promise to cherish you, take care of you, and protect you from anything that would cause you harm. You deserve the world, and more, and I promise to give as much of it as I can to you. I love you, Baby."

Dean's words made both of them tear up, as well as many of the guests. Castiel had to take a breath and wipe his eyes before beginning his vows.

"Hello, Dean. We share a profound bond that is unbreakable, and it has shown through everything that we've been through. While many things have tried to break it, it has only grown stronger as we've fallen more and more in love with each other. So I give us my body, my arms to hold our love up, to hold us up and keep us standing strong. I give us my life in dedication to love, hoping to spend every single minute of it showering you with my love for you. I give us my soul as I try to give you everything that you deserve. I give you my life for better or worse. And while married life will be difficult, and I can't promise that it'll be easy, I'm here to support you when it does get hard. I love you, Dean."

Dean was speechless when Cas finished his vows, tears silently streaming down his face. He couldn't wait any longer, and he pulled Cas into his chest, wrapping his arms around the slightly smaller man and pressing his, slightly damp from tears, lips to his head.

When the pair eventually pulled away, laughing at their sappiness and wiping the tears, the officiant continued with the ceremony: the exchange of the rings.

Dean and Cas turned to their best men, receiving the rings from them. They turned back, waiting for the officiant to begin the wedding ring vows.

"Dean, place the ring on Castiel's finger, and repeat after me. I, state your name."

Dean slipped the band onto Cas' left ring finger. "I, Dean Winchester."

"Give you, Castiel, this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness," the officiant continued.

"Give you, Castiel, this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness," Dean repeated.

"As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you."

"As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you."

"I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day."

"I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day." When Dean finished, he bent down and pressed a kiss to the ring on Cas' finger.

"Castiel, place the ring on Dean's finger, and repeat after me. I, state your name."

Cas obeyed the officiants orders, slipping the wedding band onto Dean's finger with ease. "I, Castiel Novak," he said, his eyes looking up to meet Dean's.

"Give you this ring to wear with love and joy."

Cas repeated the officiant's words.

"As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you."

"I choose you to be my husband this day and forevermore."

Cas squeezed Dean's hands, his excitement ever-growing as they became closer and closer to being husbands.

"And with the power vested in me, and the love you two have for each other, I now pronounce you partners in life."

Dean and Cas didn't need permission from the officiant, as they leaned forward into each other's arms, pressing their lips together with so much passion and love, for now they were husbands. The crowd around them erupted into cheers, clapping, 'whoop'ing and whistling for the happy couple.

The two were reluctant to pull away from the kiss, not wanting to part from their husband. But that was the beauty of marriage, they never had to be apart from each other any longer.

~*~


	5. Introducing Me

_ 4\. [Introducing Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnCi3Smzbz4) \- Nick Jonas (from the Disney Channel Original movie, 'Camp Rock 2: Final Jam') _

"Have you _seen_ Dean Winchester today?" a passing girl gushed as Castiel pushed his way through the school hallway on the way to his first period class.

" _No!"_ her friend replied and Cas pushed further; he didn't want to hear another conversation about Dean Winchester today. Yes, he'd already heard too many to count and he arrived at school not 5 minutes ago.

"He looks so totally handsome in that red shirt he's wearing and the. . ." Before Cas could hear the girl finish her sentence, he rounded the corner and sighed with relief. He honestly didn't give two flying fucks about Dean Winchester, but everyone else in the school seemed to. Including his friends. Luckily, he hadn't seen them yet as he arrived late, and he didn't have any periods with them until after lunch.

Cas had never been relieved to not be in a class with his friends before Dean Winchester showed up. He appeared one day midway through last semester, and ever since then no one has been able to stop talking about him. Well, except Cas.

The truth is Cas couldn't exactly put his finger on why Dean didn't appeal to him. It's not like he's actually met the guy. Cas had only ever seen him across the hall or cafeteria, and always surrounded by a throng of people. And even then he'd never got a full look at the popular boy, only small glimpses through people's heads and bodies.

By now the final warning bell had rung and the hallways cleared, and Cas still had to make his way to the other side of the school. Cursing under his breath, the black-haired boy picked up his pace, jogging through the empty halls to get to his class.

Cas was lost in his thoughts, trying to steady his breathing as he jogged so he didn't seem so out of breath when he reached his class, when he rounded a corner and smacked hard into somebody. The force knocked Cas back and he almost fell on his ass if it weren't for the two arms that grabbed him and held him steady.

"Whoa there!" A deep voice said, surprisingly calm and concerned for the hardness that Cas had bumped into.

Cas looked at the arms holding him, an odd warmth radiating on his skin where the hands gripped his biceps, and trailed his gaze up to meet the face that was connected to them.

It was Dean.

Fuck.

"S-sorry 'bout that. I gotta get to class," Cas said, struggling with little intent to get out of Dean's grasp.

"Oh, that's why you came flying 'round that corner!" Dean said, chuckling as he released Cas.

Cas smiled politely and nodded before stepping to his left to pass Dean. "Thanks for catching me," he said as he began to walk away.

"Wait!" Dean called before he could get out of earshot. "I've seen you around before, but I don't know your name."

Cas raised his eyebrows, surprised that the boy had even noticed someone outside of his throng. "I'm Castiel," he said, smiling a little.

Dean't face broke out into a grin. "Nice to finally meet you, Castiel," he said, his mouth rolling over the name, trying it out for the first time. By the small smirk that formed on his face as he turned away, Cas assumed that he liked it. And to be honest, Cas liked it too.

~

The first half of the day flew by and for once in his entire schooling career, Cas didn't focus on his classes one bit. He couldn't get the image of Dean out of his head. He finally understood why everyone in the school was obsessed with him. There's something about his sandy blonde hair, mixed with those candy apple green eyes, and high cheekbones and strong jawline that make the most stunningly handsome face you've ever seen in your life. It's the kind of face that makes you want to melt into a puddle and scream frustratedly at the same time. And Cas was falling. Hard.

When lunch rolled around, he'd decided that he wasn't going to fall into Dean's trap. Cas was going to keep up his nonchalant attitude towards the subject of Dean if, when, it was brought up by his friends.

It was as if Dean was some sort of siren, luring everyone in with his handsome attractiveness. Cas gloomily wondered when they're gonna get to the death part.

He shook off his feelings before entering the cafeteria, scanning the room for the familiar faces of his friends as he made his way towards the line for food. He spotted the three of them standing further up the line, chatting away as they waited. Not wanting to be _that_ person, Cas settled at the back of the line. That was until he heard his name being shouted from the front of the line. He looked over to see his friends, Gabriel, Charlie and Kevin, all waving frantically at him, gesturing for him to come stand with them. Reluctantly, Cas obeyed, stepping out of line and apologetically wandering forward to meet them.

"Hey, guys," he said, looking warily at the people in the line behind him, who all scowled but said nothing.

"Hey, Cas! Where were you this morning? We didn't see you," Gabe said, clapping him on the back.

"I slept in," Cas explained, shifting on his feet. His stomach was grumbling, almost painfully, as he hadn't had any breakfast due to his slight sleep in.

The four of them continued to chat away as they moved up the line and collected their food. They found a table in the corner and sat down. When Cas took his seat against the wall, he looked up to notice he had a full view of Dean Winchester between Kevin and Charlie. For fuck's sake. He couldn't seem to get away from this guy now.

As they ate their lunch, Cas found himself unable to pry his eyes away from Dean. He sat surrounded by his friends and fans, and ironically, there was a beam of sunlight that shone on him. It irritated Cas how perfect he was.

Halfway through his lunch, Cas was still staring at Dean and not paying any attention to the conversation his friends were having (not that they noticed), when Dean suddenly lifted his head and locked eyes with Cas. Cas' eyes widened and he averted his eyes down to his meal, a hot blush creeping up his neck. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, embarrassed that he was caught staring.

It was now that his friends decided to pay attention to him, embarrassing him further. 

"Dude? Having a wet daydream?" Gabriel asked, noticing Cas's uncomfortableness, a smirk playing at his lips.

"What? No-no . . . No!" Cas said, shaking his head and avoiding looking at Dean, although he could feel his eyes burning into the side of his head.

"Yeah, Cas, what's up? You've been distant all lunch," Charlie piped up. Cas turned his head to reply to her and noticed something bad behind her.

"Oh god no, please no, no, no," Cas said, shrinking down in his chair.

Dean Winchester was heading his way.

His friends began to worry at Cas' panic, all three of them asking what's wrong. Their questions were answered when they heard a deep voice behind them.

"Hey, Cas."

The three friends turned slowly to see the dazzling Dean Winchester standing at their table. They gawked while Cas tried to sink further under the table.

After a few excruciatingly silent seconds, Dean opened his mouth again. "Okaaaay . . . Cas, can I talk to you? In private?"

Cas' cheeks reddened further as his friends swivelled to gawk at him, and he nodded, slowly getting up from his chair and following Dean into the empty hallway.

"What do you want, Dean?" Cas said once they were in private, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Wooooww," Dean drawled, raising his eyebrows, "nice to know that I'm wanted."

Cas rolled his eyes. "You embarrassed me in front of my friends," he said.

"So what?" Dean retorted. He opened his mouth to say something more but Cas cut him off.

"I said, what do you want? I have a lunch to eat."

Dean raised his eyebrows again. "Oh, you mean the one you weren't eating because you were staring at me for 20 minutes or . . ." He trailed off, a cheeky grin forming upon his perfect lips.

Cas scowled. He didn't want to waste his time like this. Not when there was a chance he was falling for the cocky boy in front of him. He swivelled on his heel, ready to march away.

"Wait! Wait, Cas, please." Dean reached out to grab his arm, stopping him from walking away. "I actually have something to ask you."

Cas yanked his arm from Dean's grasp and turned to face Dean again. "Then spit it out!"

It was Dean's turn to roll his eyes, sighing. "Gee, you're so frustrating," he muttered under his breath.

Cas went to turn away but Dean grabbed him again.

"Okay! Okay! I wanna ask you out," Dean said.

Cas stopped in his tracks, his body going cold. "What?" he said, unable to meet Dean's eyes. This has to be some sort of joke.

"Cas, will you go out on a date with me?" Dean asked, his cockiness completely vanished from his voice and facial features. If anything, he looked nervous.

Cas blinked, unable to comprehend. "This is a joke, right? A prank that your friends put you up to?" he asked, a frown deepening in his brows.

Dean's eyebrows shot up, almost looking hurt that Cas would think that. "What? No! I'm a hundred percent serious," he said, slapping his hand to his heart.

Cas eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Why what?" Dean asked, as confused as Cas was.

"Why do you want to go out with me? And why would I want to go out with you?"

Dean's confusion disappeared and a shy smile replaced it. "Well, I've kinda always admired you from afar and when you bumped into me this morning, it gave me the incentive to ask you," he explained, looking sheepish.

"But I don't know anything about you," Cas said. "Except that you're kind of a bad guy. I don't know if I'd want to date someone like that."

"Well, why don't you go on this date to find out more about me? See if I'm worth it. I promise you, I am." The cocky smile was back, confirming Cas' decision.

"I'm sorry, Dean," he said, definitively, "but I don't know anything about you, and quite frankly, you scare me a bit. If I know you're a good guy, then maybe I'll go out with you. But I just don't wanna get my heart broken. Sorry."

Cas felt bad as he watched Dean's face fall. But he knew it was the right decision. Without hearing Dean's remark, Cas turned on his heel and strutted back into the cafeteria, leaving Dean defeated in the hallway.

~

Weeks passed and Cas avoided Dean as much as he could. Which was easy considering they didn't cross paths at all during the school day.

That was until one Wednesday during lunch.

Cas was sitting with his friends, laughing and chatting away happily, his back to Dean and his clique as it always was these days. He was listening to Kevin tell a story about his dream that night, looking down to concentrate on shovelling another forkful of Mac 'n' Cheese, when Kevin fell silent mid-sentence. Cas looked up in confusion, wondering why Kevin stopped, only to see the three of his friends staring at something behind him. It was at that moment when he noticed that the whole cafeteria had fallen silent as well.

Fear filled Cas' body as he slowly turned around, fearing the worst. He was slightly relieved when he saw that it was simply Dean standing behind him and not some monster serial killer, but a new type of fear overcame him when he saw what Dean was holding. An acoustic guitar.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, a soft grin on his face. "Since you won't go out with me until you know more about me, I decided to spontaneously write this song for you." The soft smile stayed on Dean's face as he positioned the guitar in his hands. He took a deep breath, fixing his fingers on the strings for the first chord of the song.

Cas took this moment to glance around at his friends, who all gestured at him incredulously. Cas just shot them an "I have no idea what's going on" look and turned back as he heard Dean begin strumming an upbeat tune. He's not gonna lie, Cas thought Dean looked adorably sexy standing there in front of him with a guitar.

And Castiel completely fell in love with Dean when he opened his mouth to sing.

" _I'm good at wasting time, I think lyrics need to rhyme, and you're not asking, but I'm tryna grow a moustache,"_ Dean sang, the smile growing on his face as he gazed down into Cas' eyes as he sang.

" _I eat cheese, but only on pizza please, and sometimes on a homemade quesadilla, otherwise it smells like feet to me."_

Cas laughed at the odd lyrics, but listened intently, figuring that the lyrics were facts about Dean.

" _And I, I really like it when the moon looks like a toenail, and I love it when you say my name."_ Dean winked, moving to stand on the chair behind him, raising himself above the watching crowds.

" _If_ _you wanna know, here it goes, gonna tell you this, the part of me that shows if you're close, gonna let you see everything, but remember that you asked for it. I'll try to do my best to impress, but it's easier to let you take a guess at the rest, but you wanna hear what lives in my brain, my heart, will you ask for it_ _for_ _your persuing? At times confusing, slightly amusing, introducing me."_

Cas couldn't help the smile that formed on his face. The fact that this boy would write a song for him, that literally introduces himself to Cas, made him get this tingly feeling in his stomach. It told Cas that Dean wasn't a bad guy at all, that he had thoughts and feelings and emotions, and Cas was taken aback. And extremely attracted to him.

The hearts formed in his eyes as he continued to watch Dean sing the rest of the song. Dean picked up the speed of his strumming, the speed of his words quickening too.

 _"I never trust a dog to watch my food, and I like to use the word 'dude' as a noun, or an_ _adverb, or an adjective, and I, I've always been into cars, I like really cool guitars and superheroes, and cheques with lots of zeros on 'em, I love the sound of violins, and making someone smile."_ Dean winked again, and Cas blushed. He couldn't help but smile as Dean launched into the chorus again, speeding up the tempo.

As he finished the second chorus, Dean hopped down from the table to kneel in front of Cas. He continued into the bridge.

_"Cas, you probably know more than you ever wanted to, so be careful when you ask next time."_

Winking again, Dean stood up, his strumming speeding up yet again to sing the final chorus.

When he finished the cafeteria was silent, waiting for Cas' response.

Cas glanced around, trying not to give away his thoughts or feelings yet. He stood, taking the two steps to Dean, slowly dragging his gaze from Dean's hips up to his face. He looked nervous, which told Cas that he cared deeply.

"Dean Winchester," he said, his voice steady. He paused, drawing it out. Making Dean wait for it.

"I'd love to go out with you," he said, erupting into a grin. The crowd in the cafeteria roared with applause and support. But it was only Dean that Cas cared for. The Dean who had looked so damn relieved that Cas said yes. The Dean who grabbed him into his arms in a tight embrace that was more warm than uncomfortable. The Dean who had just sung a song to him in front of the whole school, a song that expressed him for who he was.

Maybe Dean wasn't so bad after all.

~*~


	6. In Case / Worry

_ 5 _ _. [In Case - Demi Lovato](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzesIrl8nws) / [Worry - The Vamps](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGyRAt9mTTA) _

"I wish I never met you!" Castiel screamed, balling his hands into fists, his face contorting in anger and pain. His chest heaved like he'd been running a marathon, despite not needing to breathe as an angel. It was a habit he picked up from that one time he was a human, and from resting against Dean's chest. "I wish I never saved you in the first place."

"Yeah, well, I too!" Dean yelled back, jerking his finger into his chest then down at the floor in disconnected movements. The pair stood on opposite sides of the bed, glaring at each other from across the room.

"I don't ever want to see your face again." Cas' voice softened to a whisper, filled with the hurt that Dean had caused him. Another human trait that he had developed. It broke Dean's heart, but he was too stubborn to give in. Too stubborn to admit he was in the wrong. Too stubborn to march over and comfort his broken angel. Too stubborn to apologise.

Cas turned his back on Dean, not wanting to leave the room just yet, in case something from this relationship could be salvaged. Because that would mean this was really over. That would mean that Dean didn't care. And he wasn't ready to face that just yet. He wanted to stay in the room in case Dean suddenly realised what he would be missing if the angel left. In case he changed his mind. In case Dean wanted to come home to him.

"Then leave," Dean said, his body deflating, showing his defeat. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't fight, he didn't have the energy. For weeks on end the pair had been arguing about every little thing. He couldn't remember the last time they said something nice to each other. The last time they looked at each other without pure hatred, anger, and pain glinting in their eyes. When was the last time they said, "I love you"?

It would be easier just to give in and let the love of his life go, rather than fight for him. It's easier to give up. Easier to push him away. But the truth was, Dean knew deep down, he was the main reason why they were arguing. He tried his best to keep Castiel around, to share the burden of his problems with him, but the weight of the world was on his shoulders, and he all he did was take it out on the person he loved.

Castiel whimpered, but didn't move. He couldn't believe it had come to this. Dean didn't want him. Yet he still stayed, just in case. He still had a slither of hope that something could change in the new few minutes, seconds. But that hope was fading fast. Why would it change now, when they've been fighting for weeks with no resolve?

The silence that remained between the two was thick with grief, deafening to both pairs of ears. Neither knew what to say, both in denial of the loss that would come when they eventually walk away.

"Dean." Castiel's voice broke with the name of his lover. He turned back to face him, and Dean could see the tears glistening in his bluest of blue eyes, definitely now capturing the ocean's wet sparkle. Dean's heart yearned to reach for him.

Why was he doing this? Why was he hurting the only man to ever truly love him? The only man, nay person, who every truly loved him completely by their own choice and free will. What was the point? Why did Dean have to push everyone away? Why couldn't he just be happy?

"Dean. I don't want to do this," Castiel all but begged. "Please. I need you." He was powerless. He needed Dean. To survive, to live, to breathe. The thought of living without him, after all that they had been through, was devastating. There was no point in living without Dean. Even though he was an angel, even though he had lived for hundreds of thousands of years before he met him, Castiel couldn't, _wouldn't_ , continue to exist if Dean wasn't there with him.

But Cas was strong. If Dean didn't want him, then he could walk away. He was strong enough to leave him, but at the same time, he'd still be weak enough to need Dean. If it meant sacrificing his happiness for Dean's, Cas cared enough to let him walk away.

But who was going to be there if they turned their backs on each other? Who will be the one to watch over Dean as he slept: a comfort that Dean has come to love, the only time he can truly feel safe in this haunted world of his? Who will be the one that Cas goes to for comfort, ease, and laughs; the only one to truly have his back no matter what? Who will be the one to love one another, when all they had was each other?

" _Dean_ ," Cas sobbed again. He couldn't form any words other than the name of his human. Because if he said any more, he feared that it would be the end.

With each whimper of his name from his angel, Dean's walls fell, brick by brick. His ego wasn't worth all this hurt that he was causing for both him and Castiel. He knew Cas wouldn't judge him for being vulnerable. Cas was the only one who Dean could be his true self around, so why was he ruining that?

"Dean, I'm sorry." Castiel's voice was barely there, all choked up, his throat closing up from the lump forming there. His eyes were now trained on the bedspread, unable to look up at Dean in case he saw something in his emerald eyes he didn't want to see.

But if he did look up, he would see Dean crumpling.

Castiel sighed, a big shuddering sigh that shook his whole body from head to toe. "I'm sorry that I let you down."

That was it.

That was the last straw for Dean.

He grunted, taking one stride onto the bed, another off the other side onto the floor, and crashing into Cas, who looked up at the sudden movement. Dean grabbed the angel into his arms, smashing his lips onto Castiel's salty ones.

While shocked at the sudden change of mood, but thoroughly pleased, Cas kissed his Dean back with the passion that he had been bottling up over the weeks of arguing.

Pulling away gruffly, Dean growled, "You could never let me down, you hear me?" He gazed into his favourite eyes, searching, memorising, longing. "I'm sorry, Castiel. I'm sorry for the way I behaved. I'm not going to give up, because I love you too much to let you go."

And as Dean said those words, staring deeply into Castiel's eyes, Cas knew that he meant every damn word. It was more than he could have asked for, but he wasn't complaining. All he needed was a mere 'sorry' and he would have run back to those strong arms he called home in an instant.

The tears started again, but this time, they weren't sad. He pressed his lips against Dean's again, savouring his taste, the feel of his lips, his scent, his everything. Dean responded just as eagerly, clutching on to the lapels of Castiel's coat. He would never let go ever again.

~*~


	7. F.U.

_ 6\. [F.U.](https://youtu.be/9oe4DIRJ8ho) \- Little Mix _

Castiel sat alone in the dark kitchen, the only light emanating from the street lights outside the apartment. He sighed, coming to the conclusion that his boyfriend wasn't showing up. The dinner had gone cold a while ago, candles burnt out not long after.

To be honest, Cas wasn't surprised. He hadn't heard from Dean in 36 hours, and his doubts began to start that morning. When he had messaged Dean about their forthcoming date night and received no reply, Cas assumed Dean wouldn't show. He decided to set up the dinner date anyway, just in case Dean surprised him.

He should've known.

This wasn't the first time Dean had done this to him. In fact, it was typical of Dean to "forget". Cas was used to being disappointed by his beau. But despite this, he always hoped each time would be different. Thus, he would dress up nice, cook Dean's favourite meal, light candles and decorate their table with rose petals, only to be left alone in the dark.

Cas had his suspicions. Dean was always going off on "work trips", disappearing from their apartment for days on end and never replying to Cas' messages. Then Dean would come home, incredibly chipper and practically glowing, and always smelling like female perfume. Cas tried to ignore it, but it got the better of him and whenever he asked Dean about it, Dean would always just brush it off, saying it was simply because he was staying in the same hotel room as his assistant. But Cas could never shake that feeling that Dean was cheating on him.

Cas sighed, deciding he'd done enough waiting. He dragged himself up, grabbing the plates of cold food and shuffling towards the kitchen bench. He all but threw the plates onto the marble bench top, reaching to flick the light on. He blinked as the harsh light lit up the room, which made him realise how long he’d been sitting in the dark. He reached up, looping his fingers around his tie and pulling it loose from his neck. He undid the top buttons of his light grey shirt and sighed again. He needed a drink.

After Cas downed his third glass of scotch, he had rehearsed and mastered what he was going to say to Dean once he saw him. He was going to break up with Dean. That was it. He was sick of Dean walking all over him and he decided, with the help of three scotches, that he'd had enough. His hatred for Dean was growing by the second and he just wanted to get rid of this negativity and heartbreak in his life.

Cas was in the process of cleaning up the rose petals, when he heard keys in the lock and the front door open. His brows furrowed at the familiar sound of Dean's footsteps behind him in the hallway, yet he didn't turn around.

"Oh, hey, Cas. Didn't expect you to still be up," Dean said, his voice monotonous.

"Didn't expect you to be so late," Cas retorted, continuing to collect up the rose petals and throw them in a plastic bag.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, moving into the same room as Cas, sensing an argument brewing.

"Our date night, Dean," Cas said frustratedly, standing and whirling around to face the man behind him. "We planned this before you left. Eight o'clock, Sunday night. You'll come home from your work trip and I'll cook. I even messaged you this morning to confirm." He crossed his arms over his chest to show his frustration.

Surprise crossed Dean's face before realisation kicked in. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. My phone died and I forgot my charger. Then the flight got delayed and I had no way to contact you," Dean said, his voice almost too soft. Too sickly, as if he was talking to a child. He took another step towards the glowering man, his eyes softening.

"The airport has phones," Cas said matter-of-factly, deciding to stand his ground and not fall for Dean's sweet talk this time.

"The queues were too long 'cause everyone was tryna call their families. I'm sorry, sweetheart. It looks really nice though, you did a great job. I'll make it up to you, I promise," he said, closing the gap between the two and pressing his lips to Cas' forehead.

To anyone who wasn't as deeply in love with Dean as Cas was, they would see right through Dean's façade. But Cas was in too deep and fell for Dean's kisses every time. When those soft, pink, perfectly sculpted lips touched his, Cas melted. The break-up speech he'd rehearsed over and over in his head vanished and was replaced with one thing:

Dean.

~

The following Thursday, Cas sat with his friends in their local coffee shop. Every week the three of them would meet, to catch up with each other and for Cas to vent about Dean. Their coffee-dates mostly consisted of Cas bagging on Dean.

"Honestly, Cas, I say this every week, why the fuck are you still with him?" Gabriel asked, leaning back in his chair and waving his hands around carelessly.

Charlie nodded in agreement, mid-sip of her coffee, as Cas rolled his eyes.

"And I'll reply the same way I do every week: it's complicated. I love him so much and I just can't imagine a life without him. Plus, every time I try to get out, I get hooked back in again. It's like I can't escape him," Cas said, resting his elbows on the table and putting his head in his hands.

Beside him, Charlie sighed, reaching to place a kind hand on his shoulder. "We know, Cas. We know that you're head over heels for him, so we understand that this is hard for you. But we just want you to be happy, and although you may think otherwise, Dean's not making you happy," she trailed off, letting her words hang in the air.

For once in his life, Gabe was silent, as the three of them mulled over Charlie's words.

~

Later that evening, Cas lay cuddled into Dean's side after a few hours of love-making. The afternoon didn't really turn out how Cas expected. After being convinced by his friends to break it off with Dean for the umpteenth time, Cas marched home determined and kinda relieved that he was going to be finally rid of this pain in his life. His hatred for the man that was breaking his heart was boiling in his stomach again, heating up so hot that Cas was beginning to wish death threats on the man.

When he arrived at the apartment, he stormed in to see Dean lounging on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, and lazily flicking through the T.V. channels.

“Oh, hey Cas,” he drawled, not even acknowledging Cas’ fiery state.

Cas’ eyes raked over Dean, his grey sweatpants hanging loosely on his hips, the white t-shirt hugging him tight in all the right places. Cas swallowed. _No. Don’t fall for him. You are doing this._

“Dean, can you turn off the T.V.? We need to talk,” Cas demanded, moving further into the apartment.

Dean’s brows knitted together in a soft frown as he flicked the off button. “Sure, Cas, what’s up?” he asked, placing his feet onto the ground and leaning forwards, resting his elbows on his knees. He moved with so much grace, a gentle elegance, sophistication, that made Cas want to scream. Instead, he took a deep breath, perching on the furthest end of the couch, as far as he could get from Dean. Because he knew, the second Dean touched him, Cas would melt and it would be all over.

“Dean, I think we need to break up,” Cas rushed out, unable to meet the other’s eyes.

Dean was quiet, unmoving, but when he eventually spoke, his voice was calm and he spoke in that soft tone again. The one that sounded like he was talking to a child. “You don’t think that.”

The words twisted Cas’ stomach and made him feel sick. Dean’s voice, it was so condescending, as if he were telling Cas what to think. 

“No, Dean, I do,” Cas said firmly, forcing himself to meet Dean’s eyes. The fury that he was expecting wasn’t there. There were no traces of any sort of anger, disapproval. Instead, Dean’s eyes looked extremely calm, glossy, and soft? It looked as if he wasn’t focused on the conversation they were having.

Dean sighed, stood, and moved closer to Cas, sitting just a fraction of a hair away from him. Blocking Cas in so he couldn’t get away. “No,” he said firmly.

Cas frowned. “Why not? Why do you even want me around? You’re always away, you always stand me up. You never listen to me, never do anything that makes _me_ feel good. I spend my time loving and caring for you, making you romantic dinners, but I get nothing in return,” he rambled, getting more and more sure of his words as he spoke.

Dean seemed like he was listening for once. He watched Cas’ lips as he spoke, nodding along, and when Cas finally finished, Dean put a soft hand on his knee. 

“That’s not true,” he said softly. That caught Cas off guard, and he met Dean’s eyes.

“It’s not?”

Dean shook his head and smiled. “We have really great sex,” he said, winking.

Cas groaned, standing and flinging Dean’s hand off him. “You’re not listening to what I’m saying!” he yelled.

Dean stood as well. “I don’t understand what you want!” he exclaimed, flinging his arms out in exasperation.

"You would if you listened!" Cas shouted.

"I do listen!"

"No, Dean, you don't. You hear me, but you don't listen. All I want is for you to love me back!” Cas explained. 

“I do love you!” Dean yelled.

“No, you don’t!”

Dean took a step closer to Cas, grabbing him by the hips. He crashed his lips onto Cas’, hungrily kissing him. The second Dean’s lips met his, Cas forgot everything. It was like Dean’s lips had some sort of forgetting poison because his head was all cloudy the second they made contact. But something, _something_ , made Cas remember, and he pulled away, angrily wiping his lips.

“Don’t do that, Dean!” he growled, stepping out of the man’s firm grasp.

“But you’re so damn sexy when you’re angry,” Dean purred, grabbing Cas again in a sturdy grip.

Cas glowered, but with Dean’s strong arm holding him in place against his body, he couldn’t think of anything to say in response. He wanted to be angry at Dean, but he could no longer remember why.

“C’mon,” Dean murmured, leaning in to whisper seductively in Cas’ ear, “let’s put that anger to use, shall we?”

Cas melted, nodding and letting Dean drag him to the bedroom, discarding their clothing along the way.

~

A couple days after yet another failed attempt to break up with Dean, Cas stood in their ensuite bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. Dean was out on a run, and Cas had just finished talking to Gabe on the phone. He told him all about what happened, and Gabe had convinced him that enough was enough. If talking wasn’t working, revenge was the next best thing.

As Cas stared at himself, he built up his confidence by mulling over the plan in his head. The plan was simple, he could do this, it won’t take long and when Dean gets back, he’ll be long gone. The only thing was, Cas had to act quick. A look of determination crossed Cas’ face as he decided that yes, he was going to execute the plan.

Cas marched into the bedroom, grabbing a suitcase from under the bed. He piled all his clothes in, all his belongings, as well as a few of Dean’s more expensive items. He zipped the suitcase up, standing it on its wheels on the floor, and grabbed the remainder of his items - his trench coat, shoes, phone, and most importantly, keys.

Cas strode through the apartment, taking one last look around in case he missed anything, and marched out the door, suitcase in tow. He didn’t bother locking the door. He didn’t care if Dean got robbed. Cas took the stairs two by two, his suitcase banging behind him, and exited through the apartment building’s garage, where Dean’s most prized possession - his 1967 Chevrolet Impala - sat, standing out among the rest of the cars parked there. Cas raced over to the beautiful car, ducking down away from the cameras or any passer by. He must admit, his next actions were going to hurt him as well, as he also loved the car. But since it wasn’t his own, and Dean was an asshole, it sort of made the next step easier.

Checking over his shoulder, and around the parking garage, Cas took his keys out of his pocket, firmly gripping the biggest one in his right hand, facing outwards. He took a deep breath, placing the tip of the key against the shiny black paint of the driver’s door. After another quick look, Cas pressed the key into the car’s black paint as hard as he could. In one quick motion, he etched a deep line into ‘Baby’. as Dean called her. The sound was ear splitting, and Cas was sure someone would hear it, so he quickly made some more cuts into the doors. It was therapeutic for Cas as he let out all his anger on keying Dean’s car.

After deciding that he’d done enough, Cas grabbed his suitcase and bolted, running down the street as fast as he could. He didn’t know which way Dean had run, so he hoped and prayed they wouldn’t bump into each other. Cas ran and ran, with no destination in mind, however he found himself outside of Gabriel’s apartment, several blocks from Dean’s. It was only then when Cas found himself laughing about it, the sound filling his belly and bringing tears to his eyes. He probably looked like a mad man, laughing to himself on the sidewalk, but he didn’t care. He eventually caught his breath and made his way to the elevator and up to Gabe’s apartment. When the elevator doors pinged on Gabe’s floor, Cas rolled his suitcase down the hall and knocked on the familiar door. Gabe answered quickly, his delightment from seeing his friend turning to concern when he saw the suitcase.

“Cassie? What’s wrong?”

Cas’ face erupted into an ear-splitting grin and he pushed past Gabe into the apartment. “Nothing, Gabey! I am free! And I got my revenge! And it was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life!”

Gabe frowned, closing the door. “Are you serious?”

Cas nodded, winking. He set his suitcase down and removed his trench coat.

Gabe’s eyes widened in bewilderment. “No!” he exclaimed. He suddenly held out a finger, “Don’t say a word, I have to call Charlie.”

Ten minutes later, Charlie entered the apartment, out of breath. “Castiel Novak,” she said the second she laid eyes on Cas, “Sit your ass down and tell us everything.”

And so Cas did. He told them the whole story in every last detail, down to exactly how it felt when he was keying Dean’s car. His friends cheered for him, both of them proud that he finally did it. He was finally rid of the heartbreak that was Dean Winchester. Cas had never smiled so big; after all, he had just lost 175 pounds. And it felt good. 

***


	8. Moments.

_ 7\. [Moments - One Direction](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6Fky_F1syA) _

**_Warning: suicide._ **

Dean awoke in a stiff hospital bed, a dark hospital room surrounding him. He didn't know why or how he got there, he couldn't remember. The beeping of the heart monitor that was attached to his right index finger disrupted the silence of the room. In his left, an IV drip made his arm feel cold. The oxygen tubes in his nose were uncomfortable, yet he didn't have the strength to reach up and pull them out. In fact, Dean didn't have any energy at all. He felt weak and tired, yet nothing in his body hurt, so that ruled out a hunt-related injury.

As Dean shuffled in his bed to find a more comfortable position, his body stiff, his brother Sam burst through the doors of his room. Sam rushed to Dean's side, his hands fluffing over the weak man.

"Oh Dean, thank god you're alive," Sam gushed. His eyes were red and puffy, as if he'd been crying for a long time, his nose sniffly.

"Sammy?" Dean croaked. His throat was incredibly dry, even that single word felt like he swallowed knives.

Sam's eyes snapped to Dean's face, concern filling his eyes. "Yeah, what is it?"

Without another word, Dean slowly lifted his right hand to his mouth, motioning for a drink of water.

"You want a drink?" Sam asked, realisation crossing his face. Dean nodded slightly, letting his arm fall back to his side as Sam turned and poured a cup of water for his big brother. Sam turned back and brought the cup to Dean's lips, tilting it slightly so his brother could sip at it at his own pace.

The cool water felt refreshing on Dean's throat, almost instantly relieving the dryness. He drank until all the liquid was gone, gasping for air once he was finished.

"Whoa," Sam chuckled, "thirsty, huh?"

Dean smiled, letting the water settle his throat before talking again. "What happened?" he uttered huskily, his voice still not used to talking yet.

Sam sat in the chair next to Dean's bed, his face paling at Dean's question. "You don't remember?" he asked, the concern back in his eyes.

Dean shook his head, staring blankly at his brother.

Sam frowned, clearing his throat, a habit that he does when he's in an awkward situation. "Dean, you, uh, you tried to commit suicide . . ."

The words hung in the air around Dean, making his blood run cold. Yet, he wasn't surprised. He felt oddly calm at the news, and slightly annoyed that his attempt didn't work.

Putting on a brave face, he turned to his brother, smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Oh," was all he said.

Sam's frown deepened and he leaned forward, resting a hand on the edge of Dean's bed. "Do we . . . do we need to talk about it?" he asked.

Dean shook his head. "Nah," he said. "I'm fine." That was a lie, obviously. He was not fine. The scale goes: great, good, okay, not okay, I hate you, fine. And Dean was worse than fine. He was gutted that his attempt didn't succeed, and he was already formulating a new plan, one that would actually succeed and no one could walk away from.

Sam looked unconvinced, but knew that if his brother didn't want to talk about it, Sam shouldn't push him. It could make matters worse. And Sam couldn't lose Dean. Life without his big brother . . . let's just say he'd never in a million years want to experience that. The day where Dean was unconscious was traumatic enough for Sam.

Sam lent further forward, taking Dean's hand in his. "Dean, please, I can't lose you," he choked.

No expression crossed Dean's face, although he did say, "Don't worry, Sammy. I'm your big brother, you could never get rid of me."

Sam chuckled, squeezing Dean's hand. A silence fell over the pair, neither knowing what to say or do. Dean felt the need to say goodbye to his brother, yet he didn't know how. Despite his upcoming plans, he didn't feel ready to leave Sammy. Dean wanted to say so much to him, about how much the younger man meant to him, talk about all their memories, reminisce about the good old days. Yet nothing came out. The words in his head didn't make it to his mouth, and the silence stretched on.

A few moments of agonising silence later, the door to the hospital room opened again and Bobby walked in, grumbling about the doctors. Dean felt his heart strings pull at the realisation that he was going to miss Bobby's grumbling.

"Hey, Bobby," Dean croaked, his eyes tearing up a little.

Bobby smiled warmly, standing at the foot of the bed. "Hiya, son," he said, reaching to pat Dean's foot.

That was it for Dean. The tears broke, streaming down his face quickly, yet he didn't have the energy to reach up and wipe them away.

Concern instantly flooded onto Bobby and Sam's faces, both men moving closer to Dean to comfort him.

"Hey, hey, Dean. It's okay, we're still here," Bobby reassured, moving to sit on Dean's left, opposite Sam.

Dean quickly smiled through his tears. "I know, I know. I'm just sorry to put you guys through this," he spluttered.

"It's okay, Dean," Sam comforted. "We're always gonna be here for you. We want you around, because we love you."

Their reassurances only made Dean cry harder, making him feel worse about his next plans. Both men were extremely concerned, confused as to why Dean was reacting this way. It wasn't like him to cry this much, let alone attempt to commit suicide, no matter how much he joked about it. Dean showed no indications of suicidal intentions before his attempt, so it came as a shock for Sam to find his brother lifeless in the bathroom, surrounded by empty pill bottles. Sam had immediately panicked, screaming for Cas' help at the same time as trying to call 911 and administer CPR. The doctors' had said that if he'd left it even a minute longer, Dean wouldn't have survived.

Bobby and Sam were quiet as they let Dean cry it out. After several minutes, Dean's sobs had lessened to sniffles and he found his voice again.

"Sorry, guys," Dean scoffed, "no chick-flick moments, my ass."

Sam and Bobby laughed half-heartedly, their worry for their family member too deep to be shook off with a joke.

Dean glanced between the two men on either side of him, gathering up the courage to say something to them that he'd never said before. He took a deep breath.

"You know I love you guys, right?"

Sam smiled, Bobby made a satisfied grunt.

"Of course, Dean," Sam said, his eyes going soft. "We love you too."

At that moment, the door burst open for a third time, an anxious-looking angel storming in. The door banged on its hinges, the sound startled the three men, all turning to look at the interruption.

"Dean!" Cas exclaimed once he saw the hunter was awake and, in fact, alive.

A huge, relieved smile crossed Dean's face, reaching all the way up to his eyes, when he saw his angel. "Cas," he breathed.

Cas didn't waste any more time, striding over to the bed and leaning down to wrap Dean in a huge hug. Sam stepped out of the way, motioning to Bobby that they should leave.

"We'll, uh, leave you to it," Sam said, leading Bobby out of the room and closing the door behind them.

Cas still had Dean in an embrace that the hunter couldn't exactly escape from. Not that he wanted to, Cas' arm felt warm and safe around him, almost making him forget his plans. A pang of guilt struck his heart, guilt for leaving Cas. He didn't want to leave his angel, and he knew that this goodbye will be the hardest.

After a solid few minutes had passed, and Cas made no indication of leaving their embrace, Dean chuckled, patting the angel on the back.

"Okay, Cas, that's enough, buddy," he said, wriggling around to indicate for Cas to get off him.

Cas gave him one last squeeze before pulling away. But when he did, Dean noticed that his eyes were glossy, as if he had been, or was about to, cry. An affectionate smile crossed Dean's lips, and he gestured towards the door.

"Hey Cas, do you mind turning the lights off?" Dean asked.

Cas frowned but nodded, leaving the bedside to flick the lights off. The room went dark, but the lights from the hallway and the sunset outside meant that both men could still slightly make out each other's faces. Cas returned to the bed, pulling the chair that Sam was sitting in closer to Dean's side and perching on the edge of it, as close as he could get to Dean.

"How are you?" Cas asked, tilting his head to the side like a puppy.

Dean's heart softened. He knew that Cas genuinely wanted to know exactly how he was feeling, not just a "I'm fine.".

Dean sighed. "I'm okay, Cas. Truly. A little woozy still, and a little uncomfortable, but good."

Cas examined Dean's face, his eyes raking over every feature, every movement, to check if Dean was lying. Once deemed satisfied that Dean was somewhat telling the truth, Cas relaxed. "Good," he said. "You want to tell me something though."

The question came out as more of a statement and Dean scoffed, Cas knew him too well. Dean tilted his chin down, raising his eyebrows and smirking a little.

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

Cas frowned. "Well apparently you can hide your wish to commit suicide," he said seriously.

Dean's face fell. "Yeah, well, sorry 'bout that," he said, the guilt coming back.

Cas reached up, grabbing Dean's hand that was laying beside him on the bed. "It's okay, Dean. I'm just glad that you are alive." He squeezed Dean's hand, his thumb beginning to rub soft circles on the back of Dean's hand. The gesture made Dean's heart yearn. Yearn for more soft touches from Cas. For cuddles and kisses and slow, passionate sex in the early morning. Things he will never have.

Dean closed his eyes, his expression as if he were in pain. "I love you," he blurted, holding his breath for Cas' reaction.

He expected for Cas to be shocked, to maybe yell and pull away from him. But none of that happened. Instead, Cas' thumb continued to rub circles into Dean's hand, a soft sigh escaping the angel's lips.

"I love you too, Dean," Cas said.

Dean looked up, relief flooding his features. The expression on Cas' face was so genuine and it brought tears to Dean's eyes. "Oh thank god," he breathed, a smile crossing his face.

Cas smiled too, squeezing Dean's hand again. "I thought you knew," he said. "Isn't it obvious?"

Dean frowned. "No?" he questioned.

Cas' expression softened. "Dean, I rebelled against heaven for you. I betrayed my own kind for _you._ I left everything that I knew _for you._ Not for you _and_ Sam. For you, Dean. I've stuck by your side for all these years, and I plan to stick for many more to come. I fell in love with humanity, and _you_ are humanity, Dean."

Tears pricked Dean's eyes as he heard his deepest darkest desires coming true, and right before he was about to end it all. He squeezed Cas' hand back, finding that he was unable to form the words that he wanted to say. He wanted to say everything to Cas, every little feeling, every wish, desire, but he found that there were only three words that he could muster out.

"I love you."

~  
  


The pair talked for hours. Until the sun had long gone, and Bobby and Sam had gone home. Cas teleported away when the nurses came in, then teleported back when Dean was alone, because visiting hours had been over a couple hours ago. But neither hunter nor angel wanted their conversation, their time, to end.

When it got past midnight, Cas began to worry about Dean. Whenever Cas would go to leave, saying that Dean needed his rest, Dean would say no, quick to deny that he needed sleep.

"I don't need it," he'd say. "I'd rather spend this time with you."

"We have all the time in the world," Cas would reply.

Dean would shake his head at this and smile sadly. "Not this exact moment," he'd say. "We won't have this exact moment again."

This would confuse Cas, wondering why Dean was suddenly talking in cryptic messages, but he'd sit down and stay with his hunter all the same. This happened a few times during the night, before about one a.m., when Cas attempted to leave once more and Dean started to cry.

"Dean?" Cas asked, returning to his seat. "What's wrong?"

Dean shook his head. "I can't tell you," he replied, blubbering through his tears.

"Why? Dean, you know you can tell me anything," Cas assured.

Dean shook his head again. "I can't. And it hurts me, but I have to do this."

Cas' blood ran cold. "Do what?" he asked warily.

Dean attempted to smile through his tears, but it came out a little wobbly. "Nothing, don't worry about it. I just love you so much," he said, reaching to cup Cas' cheek in his hand. Dean ran his thumb over the slightly scratchy stubble, his eyes taking in every feature of Cas' face, from the icy blue eyes, to the plump pink lips. Without a second thought, Dean pulled Cas' face to his, pressing their lips together. At first, Cas' surprise meant he didn't kiss back. But soon enough, he melted into Dean, pressing back hungrily. The two kissed passionately, all their underlying feelings held in that kiss. Neither knew how much time had passed before they pulled away, breathless, cheeks pink, and grinning at each other.

"Now that's almost worth staying for," Dean commented.

Cas frowned. "Staying? Where are you going?"

Dean's eyes widened slightly, before he was quick to deny. "Oh nothing, just getting you to stay longer," he covered quickly.

Cas looked unconvinced, but leant down and pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead. "I'm going, Dean," he said firmly. "Despite you saying otherwise, you _need_ to sleep. And the only way that's going to happen is if I leave, unfortunately. I love you, Dean. I'm so happy that you're still here with me."

Dean smiled half-heartedly, Cas' last words bringing the guilt back. "I love you too," he said, taking one last look at his angel before he disappeared. And with one swoosh of his wings, Cas' presence vanished from the hospital room.

Without Cas, Dean realised how cold and dark the room was. He noticed how quiet the hospital ward outside his room was, how still the recovery ward seemed once all the nurses were gone and patients were asleep. Cas' final words hung in the air around him, making Dean reconsider his choices.

 _No_.

He must do this.

Dean pushed himself off the bed, realising that he hadn't had any food in a while. Not that it mattered. His strength was back, anyway, and he easily ripped the IV line out of his arm. It stung for a split second, Dean wincing as he swung his feet over to set down on the floor. The tile was cold on his bare feet, the air chilling his exposed backside. He quickly grabbed the sheet from the bed, wrapping it around his shoulders, hoping that it could be his cover if he bumped into any nurses on the way to the roof. Dean shuffled over to the door, pulling it open ever so slowly so it didn't make a noise. Sticking his head out, he looked up and down the hallway. It was empty.

Stepping out, Dean followed the Exit signs, knowing they'd lead him to an elevator or stairwell. It wasn't a long walk before his suspicions were confirmed, resulting in him coming upon a fire escape stairwell. Glancing over his shoulders, he double checked no one followed him. Once it was deemed clear, Dean entered the stairwell and began his climb. He started on what he assumed was the third floor, judging by the amount of threes that he saw on the walls on his way. Yet he had no idea how tall the hospital building was. So he climbed. And climbed. And panted, but still climbed.

Until he reached an unmarked door with no more stairs. Dean hoped that it was unlocked and unalarmed as he reached for the cold metallic door knob. The knob turned easily and the door clicked open. The only sound that followed were the sounds of the city outside. Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he pulled the door open enough for him to slip through. The door clicked behind him as he dropped the sheet from his shoulders. The night air was cool, but refreshing as Dean made his way towards the edge of the building, glancing over to see down to the street below. Dean wandered around the edge, deciding which side he wanted to jump off.

 _Not that it mattered_ , he thought as he came to the side he recognised. His room was on this side of the building. _How poetic._

As Dean stood at the edge of the building, he began to shake. He was really doing this. This was it, the end. There'll be no more hunts, no more Baby, no more pie. No more Bobby, no more Sammy. At the thought of his younger brother, Dean's heart swelled. His Sammy. He was so proud of his little brother, of the man he'd become. Before his eyes, Dean watched Sammy grow up again. All those happy memories that he and his brother had. Dean knew what his heaven would be, but that was before he'd met Cas, so maybe that heaven had changed. A feeling of excitement ran through him as he thought about what his new heaven would be. Ideally, it would be a moment with Sam, Cas and Bobby. His family sitting around in the bunker, happy and content, with no cases, no end of the world, no worries. That's essentially why Dean was doing this, he wanted that, and there was no way that it was going to happen on this earth. There will always be something that the world needs him to do. Even if he married Cas, they wouldn't be able to settle down, because they'd always have Heaven and Hell's problems to deal with. And Dean was sick of it.

 _Cas_.

The angels' name hung on Dean's lips, his heart yearning for the angel. Yet he tried his hardest not to pray to him, because the second he did, Cas would know something's wrong and zap here in an instant. He'd talk Dean out of it, and Dean would go and continue living, yet some part of him would still wish he was dead. He'd be unhappy, and Dean couldn't put that on Cas. It wouldn't be fair. No, Cas would be happier without Dean in the picture. Dean was sure of it.

Dean inched forward until his toes hung off the edge of the building. He looked down at the concrete pathway below, next to it a green park that patients of the hospital could walk around during the day. The world was quiet, except for the motorway in the distance, a faint rumble disrupting the silence. Dean's body probably won't be discovered for a while, giving him time to actually die, instead of being rehabilitated again.

Dean took a deep breath. "I love you, Bobby. I love you, Sammy. I love you, Cas," he whispered before tilting his body forward, his centre of gravity moving off the edge of the building to the ground below. 

_~ Three months later ~_

Cas sat alone on a park bench beneath a twisted Yew tree. The cemetery had cleared out long ago, but Cas couldn't find the energy in himself to leave. A little while away sat Dean's headstone, the grave empty as they gave him a proper hunter's funeral. However, both Sam and Cas wanted to give him a headstone.

 _"Dean Winchester,"_ it read, _"the world's truest hero."_

The three of them, Cas, Sam and Bobby, had searched and searched for answers, potions, spells, anything to bring Dean back. But deep down, they knew that this was Dean's decision, and it would probably be worse if Dean came back.

The past three months had been torture for Cas. He thought over and over about that last night with Dean, how he was so afraid of Cas leaving. On the night, Cas just assumed it was because he didn't like the hospital or something. But now Cas knew, and he continuously kicked himself for not staying. He could've easily watched over the hunter for the night, and then they wouldn't be in this situation. Cas blamed himself. He blamed himself for not being the rock Dean needed in that moment. Not being the life, the voice, the reason to stay that Dean needed. Cas wished he noticed it sooner. He wished he could turn back time, back to that moment where Dean reached out for him, asking him to stay. Cas would do things differently if he knew. If he knew Dean was about to end his life, Cas would have stayed. He would have said the right thing, the thing that Dean needed to hear, and Dean would probably be here with him today. Cas wished he had more time with Dean, instead of that one night. He wished he'd acted on his feelings long before even Dean's first suicide attempt. If he had, Cas would have been there for Dean, before the suicidal thoughts had even formulated in his head. Perhaps Dean would never have even considered suicide if he and Cas had admitted their feelings sooner.

These thoughts swirled in Cas' head repeatedly, everyday for the rest of his lifetime. He'd never forget Dean Winchester, the righteous man. The man who God created to be special, to be the real hero and save the world countless times without anyone knowing. Who sacrificed himself over and over again for people he would never know. The man who changed Castiel's life for the better, and Cas will continue Dean's legacy on to the end of time.

~*~


End file.
